


Taivas itkee hiljaa - The Sky Cries Quietly

by orphan_account



Series: The beginnings - old works [7]
Category: Finnish Music RPF, The Rasmus
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, M/M, Multi, Written in 2013, old works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:05:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7229278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- Hyvää Huomenta

-Jonne's POV-

Oli elokuinen aamu kun tähän maailmaan/ It was august morning, when to this world  
Poika kapaloihin saapui, äiti itki onneaan/ a boy arrived to swaddling clothes, mom cried for her happiness

„Jonne!“ his mother shouted up the stairs. I moaned in disgust as I appeared from the bathroom and looked down the stairs where mom was standing hands on her hips and a frown on her face.  
„Young lad school is not going to wait for you today!“  
„But mom?“ I moaned.  
„Hurry up!“  
„But we just got here yesterday, it doesn't matter if I'm on time or not!“ I shouted back and kept on brushing my hair back. The blonde dreads I tried to get in correct order weren't a reason for my mom to be nicer either.  
„10 minutes not more. Bloody hell Jonne, this isn't the first time I need to drive you to school to be early enough.“ she muttered and walked off to the kitchen.  
It was the same routine like in every city we have stayed. A new school meant I had to be on time and the nice golden boy. I'm not anything of that at all. I frown in the mirror and put my eyeliner on quickly. Thank god it was waterproofed otherwise I would have it all over my face before I even entered the class room. It will going to be the same as every time.   
„Hello I'm Jonne Aaron. I'm 16 years old, I like playing guitar and moved here from...“ where was I living before? Oh yeah well Tampere it had been.   
Mom and I have been changing places all over sudden in a rush that I lost count of where we were before. We never stayed longer then 3 months anyway. So were was the point in even trying to make friends?  
„JONNE AARON LIIMATAINEN!“ I dropped my eye shadow in shock and now I had a big pink line all over my right cheek.  
„MOM!!! I will be down in a few! DAMN IT!“  
„I SAID NOW LAD!“ I try desperately to whip it off but still my right cheek looks kinda red. I sigh as I hear my mum shout again and let my hair fall back into my face to cover the misery.  
Damn it. I will look like a total idiot in school and again it was moms fault. I sigh and switch off the light before I rush down the stairs getting my rucksack at the bottom while mum stuffed a box full of fruits into my hand. My beautiful fruity breakfast.  
„Hush hush now!“ she rushed me out of the door and into our car. The only thing that was left. I tried to ask my mom why we were moving so much but she refused to answer every time again.  
I wish I would know why we don't settle somewhere long term.  
I flopped down on the backseat and watched her drive through Helsinki's streets. I'd been to our capital quite a few times as well as in Sweden, Oulu, Turku, Lahti and Jyväskylä. I guess I'd seen most of Finlands towns, at least those where actually some people really do live. The past 2 years I thought we managed to settle at least in an area since we just moved in and around Tampere but I was quite wrong. Last week when I came home from school mom dropped me the news of moving again.  
„Oh Jonne you will love Helsinki I swear.“ she said. I just nod. What else was left to do. She never ever asks me where I wanna stay. Nor does she leave one word why we move. Sometimes I think its maybe because of dad. Sometimes maybe because of a job. I'm not sure.  
Mom has had several boyfriends those past years. I didn't liked one of them.  
I didn't even tried. She's betraying dad and I already told her.  
„Jonne baby. Come on you're late get your lazy ass out of the backseat.“ she interrupted my thoughts quickly.   
I nod and take my rucksack before climbing out of the car.  
„See you later mom.“  
„Take care Babyboy and please behave yourself!“  
„MOM!“ I moan before throwing the backdoor shut with a bang.  
Of Course I won't behave myself. I whisper quietly and chuckle to myself before I raise my eyes to fix them on the school. An ordinary look a like beton park. The entrance has red doors and a sign saying: Suutarilan yläaste.   
There I am now. I sigh and search for a quiet place to go. The clock at the entrance telling me it's 5 before 8 so classes might have already started. Who gives a shit I am the new one I can be late, when I'm late anyway. I spot an old willow in the park near by and toddle over while lighting a cigarette.  
The smoke calms my nerves as I settle between the roots of the old tree and watch it fade away in the cold breeze.

„PAULI! Don't you ever dare making me jump half five foot in the air. Fucking holly shit!“ someone shouted near by quickly followed by some laughter.  
„BUH I'm Mister Rantaa.“ another voice replied and cracked up laughing.  
„Don't you say that, if he caughts me smoking again I'm in a shit of a trouble dude!“ The laughter doubled. Seems like I'm not the only one with the disease of smoking without being arrested. I sigh and drag the rest of my fag before stumping it out on the grass and slowly making my way towards school. I search for the secretary in order to get to know which class be mine for the next 3 months and walk down the hallways quickly.   
Seriously someone should name the rooms! R.B. 12.14 isn't really a number if you ask me, nor does I know what that means. Stupid school systems. I guess it will take me at least a month before I will be able to find my classes in time. Is it even worth trying?   
I finally see a big sticker on the door at the end saying office. This could it be. I knock silently before pushing the handle down an entering a bluish room. Small giggles from the bottom of the hall followed me inside.   
“Yes? How can I help?” a harsh voice of the older women behind the reception greets me.  
“Good Morning Miss. I'm Jonne Aaron Liimatainen. Today is my first day and I wanted to...”   
“Yes ,Yes!” She cuts me off mid sentence and offers me a few papers. I take them quickly flickering over them with my gaze but when I look back at her she's already waving her hand waving me out of the office.  
I stumble outside and close the door behind me. What an old bitch. I mutter under my breath before taking a closer look on the papers I got. Class 10 B, Classteacher: Mrs. Silvonen, Course room: R. B. 12.12 that sounds similar to the one I had seen. Trying to be smart I walk back to the door I was before and look around for the other room numbers, but it doesn't follow the hopefully order. I sigh and drop my rucksack to the floor before sitting down on the cold ground, leaning against one of the pupils shelfs. Damn that sucks all a ton. I don't even want to go to class today.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – The damn new kid

How am I supposed to find the room?  
Before I can think over it more clearly I choose to go to the loo first. I really need an urgent wee. Mom always said everything is better after a good piss. They should at least be able to name the toilets with a sign. Shouldn't be that hard. I pick up my bag and walk down the corridor without spotting anything that at least looks like a toilet. At the end I climb up the staircase to the second floor and almost want to do a happy dance cause the first thing I see is the female sign for toilets. I walk past in the hope of the next door being the guys but there is nothing. I sigh again and almost run down the corridor till I see the male sign at the end. How stupid is that? Toilets at the end of the corridor and then also opposite each other. That doesn't make any sense to me at all. I quickly dash inside and take the next possibility to relieve myself. For a moment it almost feels like having sex. I chuckle to myself and do my trousers back up before washing my hands and straighten my shirt in the mirror. Kurt Cobain is on it. Smoking a cigarette while holding a guitar in his hands.  
I watch it for a few more seconds, my thoughts drifting off to my own white acoustic guitar that is waiting for me at home. I brush with my fingers through my dread locks seeing the redish shadow on my cheek again. I quickly wet my hands and try to scrap it off without success. My cheek just looks a bit sore now and even more redish.  
„Fuck it!“ I turn to walk of and land on my small ass straight on the ground. My nose aches a bit as I look up. I bumped into a guy with spikey yellow hair like a banana.  
„Sorry!“ I mumble as I get up again. He just grunts in my direction and wents to unzip his pants.   
„Girls room is next door!“ I hear him chuckle as he keeps on peeing.  
„I'm not a girl otherwise I would have used it.“ I moan under my breath as he is packing himself away and pulling the zipper up. His head spins around to face me with an cheeky smile and the most amazing green eyes I'd ever seen.  
„A bit much make up for a guy. A bit tight those jeans of yours.“ he points at my ass.  
„Uhmm errr...“ I blush and try to walk off but stop as a thought pass my mind. He might be able to help me find my classroom.  
„Nice ass though. I'm Lauri.“ he smiles and reaches out his hand.  
„I'm Jonne and by the way you haven't washed your hand yet.“ I pointed out blushing even more. No way I would take his hand that had held his dick a few seconds ago. Lauri cracks up laughing before going over to the sinks and washing his hands.  
„So again. I'm Lauri.“ he smiles holding out his wet hand. I take it and give it a small shake. His hands are really soft but his fingers are quite rough.   
„So Jonne, do you want to drown in the toilets or getting back in class?“ he asks grinning wide.  
„I would say lets go back but yeah I'm actually having a bit of a problem.“ I shyly scratch my neck and twirl one of my dreads around my finger.  
„What's up?“ Lauri asked and I catch him starring at my ass again.  
„I'm new. I don't know where my room is.“ I confess silently.  
„No problem. Whats your class anyway?“ he sticks his hands in the pockets of his trousers and started to walk towards the door, stopping half way waiting for me.  
„ I'm supposed to go to the 10B.“ I murmur and fiddle with my papers again before following him out of the door. His baggys are way to big for him and scrabbing over the floor slightly. He's quite short anyway as I notice now.  
„Cool, my class so you just follow me.“ He smiles and leads me to the middle of the second floor.   
„We have art with Mrs. Silvonen at the moment she's easy going so don't be surprised that she's not yelling at you for being late.“ he laughs and enters the room without knocking.  
„Oh Lauri who's with you?“ A young lady asks from the front of the class. She's wearing a jeans and a loose top to her red long hairs and doesn't look older then in her early 30s.  
„The new kid.“ Lauri said and shuffled over to his bench. I stood there frozen to the spot without knowing what to do as 20 pairs of eyes fixed me. Some smiled. Some whispered behind folded hands. Others giggled as I felt more and more uncomfortable.   
Miss Silvonen was looking through her papers scattered allover the desk as she waves me over.  
„Did you got some papers in the secretary?“ she asks gently and I pass them over to her. She quickly flickers over and smiles. I give her a small smile in response while I feel my back being pierced with glances from the other students.  
„So Jonne.“ She looks back at me gesturing me to turn towards the class. I do so and wait for her to go on.“Tell us something about you. And the rest of you lazy bunch, please listen for a second at least.“ she smiles and fixes her look at me again still with a gentle smile on her face.  
So there I am now in the same situation as always. Being the damn new kid. I keep my look fixed on my shoes as I rush through my little speach.  
„I'm Jonne Aaron. I'm 16 years old, I like playing guitar and moved here from Tampere.“ I still don't dare to look up.  
„Any more questions?“ Miss Silvonen interrupt me.  
I see some hands going in the air as the first question hits me.  
„Why do you moved to Helsinki?“ A girl of the last row asked brushing through her blonde curls with a lazy smile.  
„Dunno, my mom said we need to.“ I murmur barely audible as the next question follows immediately.  
„What kind of guitar you're playing?“ I smile slightly as I recognize the voice of the guy I meet at the toilets. What was his name? Laurille? Lauro? I can just remember that he has amazing eyes.  
„I play a white half electronic acoustic one. Her name is Snow white.“ Lauri chuckles softly and murmurs a quiet „Awesome.“ before the next question makes my body chill.  
„Are you gay?“ a harsh boyish voice asks. I can feel my blood run cold as I look up in the direction the question came from. I'm unable to answer..  
„Tuomas behave yourself!“ Miss Silvonen inter fires.  
„What he looks like a git!“ Tuomas spat and a slap echoes around the room as Miss Silvonen sighs.  
„Lauri behave yourself as well. No fights in my class.“ she responded calmly.  
„He deserves it. Damn dick he is!“ Lauri says and whipped back and forth on his chair. Tuomas stayed silent while I felt even more uncomfortable in front of the class.  
„I guess that's enough for now. There's a free spot next to Lauri. Go and sit there for now. I guess in the lunch break you'll have enough time to get to know the others. For now just observe what we currently do.“ I nod and walk off heading for the free chair next to Lauri.  
I let myself fall down with a thud and peak on his worksheet. He's drawing a crow. It looks quite realistic and dark.  
„Don't look too close, she'll eat your soul.“ he whispers and moved the pencil over the paper again. I nod quietly. Lauri seems even more strange now but I guess I like him. At least those eyes. He is a fast scatcher and I follow his hands with my eyes closely. He barely uses the rubber.  
„Jonne.“ I jump on my chair as Miss Silvonen offers me a paper. „You can try it too. Theme of today is drawing something that shows yourself but not just your face. Be creative. You got another 45 minutes ahead.“   
„Ok.“ I grab the paper and unpack my case to get a pencil as well. Something that shows us. That's quite hard.  
„You can draw a guy fucking another guy.“ Tuomas spat from across the room getting another warning from Miss Silvonen and a glare of Lauri for his comment.  
„Don't listen to him. He thinks everybody else except him is gay besides we think that he secretly is gay himself but too childish to admit it.“ Lauri whispers and his hand squeezes mine shortly before he continues to draw his crow. My fingers tingle with a unexpected warmth after he'd touched them. I suppress a stupid smile and start drawing myself. I'd chosen to draw my guitar since it is all I have and ever had and the last thing that dad bought for me. I keep on scatching her as best as I could and just draw the last line as Miss Silvonen speaks again.  
„So everyone get in front one by one and tell us something about your drawing. Mariska you start.“ She says and crosses her legs under the table as a brunette bitch on high hells walks to the front showing us a worse scatch of a pile of shoes and bags.  
„So why is it you?“ Miss Silvonen asks. She tries to express her love for fashion with a stern but too high voice and Lauri next to me is grinning widely hiding it with his hand. I raise an eyebrow at him in question.  
„She looks like a slut. Fashion sense like zero.“ He whispers and chuckled again while I nod to agree with him. Mariska really looks like a fake. The other do the same till it is Lauris and my turn. I listen to Lauris explanation very carefully and the way his lips move when he talks about feeling like a bird, free to do whatever he wants, made me smile. Such a birdbrain he is but so adorable at the same time.  
„Next one Jonne.“ Miss Silvonen said as I made my way back to the front of the class. I show her my drawing and bite my lip nervously as she encourages me to turn it and show it to the class. A few doubled in laughter but soon stopped as Lauri glared at them.   
„Why is it you?“ miss Silvonen asked gently and I still bite my lip. I can see Lauri looking closely at my drawing with a sparkle in his green emeralds. It looks like he really is proud about what I did. The explanation is quite easy but I'm not sure if I can say it out loud to anyone without my voice trembling like a leaf in the wind.  
„I said. I like my guitar.“ my voice gotten really hoarse.  
„Does it mean something more then music to you?“ Miss Silvonen asked. I nod slowly and bite my lip again trying to fight back my tears.  
„My..My dad bought it for me, for my 10th birthday.“ I whisper and look at my shoes before I rush back to my seat again. Sighing heavily I feel a bit of relief as the bell rings to signal the end of art class. I didn't wanted to tell anything more. I pack my stuff back into my rucksack as Lauri leads me to the school yard. I can still feel my tears prickling behind my eye lashes just like always when I talk about dad. I sniffle a bit and try as best to compose myself. If I start crying in front of Lauri I would look like a complete whim.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – The joy of a gap

„Lunch break.“ Lauri exclaims and unwraps his sandwich taking a huge bite and spitting it across the yard a second later. He frowns and a few insults are heard.  
„Damn fucking meat. Gosh it's so disgusting.“   
„Whats wrong?“ I dare to ask and I see him narrow his amazing eyes on his sandwich.  
„Mom accidentally gave me my sisters lunch. I hate meat. I hate eating it, chewing it. It's just disgusting to eat another human being.“ he frowns at me and packs his sandwich away while his tummy is growling slightly.  
„I don't like eating meat either. If you want you can share my lunch with me. I don't mind and I don't want to see you starve.“ I shoot him an uneasy smile not sure if my offer might have been too much to ask for.   
„Seriously?“ Lauris eyes go wide. I nod quickly and open my fruit box. Lauris eyes seem to pop out of his head for a second before he smiles widely and grabs a raspberry out of my box.  
„Thank you so much.“ he mumbles his eyes closed in pure ecstasy.   
„No problem.“ We settle at a tree and share my lunch in silence just Lauri is making strange noises every now and again. Currently he has a piece of banana in his hand and flips it into his mouth. I need to look away cause my belly is doing flips as I see him parting his lips to eat it.  
„That was amazingly tasty.“ he sniggers and pats his belly.  
„Glad you liked it.“ I smile at him and close the now empty box as I gulped down the rest of my last piece of strawberry.  
„You saved my day Jonne.“ Lauri says quietly and giving me a quick hug. I can feel the heat creeping up my cheeks heavily as I flush deep red.   
He's so damn cute when he says thank you. His eyes sparkle a bit and he gets little dimples whenever he smiles widely.  
„I will revenge myself of course!“ I look at him in shock. No one ever offered that to me I was used to be just the giving part instead of the receiving end.  
„You don't have to.“ I try to brush it of.  
„Let's see. Come on! We just have an hour of English and 2 of Math. We will survive besides I warn you we have math with Mister Rantaa. He's such an asshole.“ Lauri spats and frowns deeply.  
„Don't screw up your face like that it makes you look ugly.“ I poke his side while saying that. Getting a little more comfy around him, he eases my nerves rapidly.  
„What?!“ Lauris eyes snap open all over sudden.   
„Did you said ugly?“ he asks again.  
„Yes it makes you look like my grandpa.“ I chuckle and lift my pack of cigarettes quickly looking for a place to smoke. Maybe this comment had been a bit too harsh on him after all he did for me today.  
„You smoke?“ Lauri interrupts me. I nod and put my finger on his lips.  
„Not so loud! Isn't everybody’s business.“ I smile at him as he laughed a bit and gestured over to the physical education hall.   
“Follow me. I join you.” He grabs my hand and drags me off towards it. First I haven't noticed that there is a small gap between school building and the sports hall but as we got closer I can see a little sandy alley. We quickly squeeze each other in the small gap between the two buildings and light a fag. Our bodies almost touching every inch of each other as we smoke in silence. Trying to avoid blewing the smoke in each others faces as best as possible.  
My body tingles nervously knowing Lauri is so close but at the moment the sensation of having a smoke is more urgent then everything else. Damn habit.  
Hopefully we don't get caught as I heard someone saying this happens sometimes, back this morning.  
Lauri shifts his weight a bit next to me as he blews the smoke out trying his hardest to form little circles with it. I chuckle to myself and almost choke on my own smoke so it is leaving my noise like I would be an angry bull. Lauri smiles.   
„Seems like we match. My horoscope is Taurus and you currently look like one!“ he sniggers and throws the butt of his cigarette to the ground. He tries to stamb it out without hiting my crotch with his knee what seem to be quite hard in this small gap. The tension in my trousers gets very uneasy to handle since he's slightly rubbing his knee at my middle nevertheless. I just pray that I'm not building a tent in my tight bleached jeans obvious for everyone.  
„Nice to know.“ I whisper feeling a bit ashamed of myself half hard in my pants. I try to hide my flushed cheeks behind my dreads as I feel Lauri reaching forward and taking one of them between his fingertips.  
„Wow! How did you get them so soft? I know a lot of people with dreads but usually theirs feel more dirty and sticky.“ he laughs.  
„It's all a matter of what you use.“ I give him a small smile and turn my face away to peer out of the gap we're hiding in. This is all getting a bit too much for me. My heart is beating out of my chest and I can hear my blood rush in my ears. All I wanted was to get away and on distance for a short while before I start to build an obvious tent in my tight jeans. I seriously need to cool down urgently.  
„OH!“ Lauri gasped slightly.  
„What?“ I face him again to see a worried look crossing his eyes making them look like a cloudy forest in summer when it rains.  
„What happened to your cheek?“ I giggle slightly feeling so comfy in his company that I have the urge to tell him what happened today morning.  
„Nothing serious. I just was about to...“  
„What the hell is happening here you two? The break is already over ! Get your lazy useless asses into class like NOW!“ a harsh voice interrupts us.  
„Shit!“ I hear Lauri curse slightly as I blush embarrassed to see one of the teachers standing in front of us.  
„Sorry, Mister Rantaa.“ Lauri mumbles as he steps forward to give me some place to get out of the gap too.  
I gulp audible as I flicker my gaze over the old men with his dark jacket eying us suspicious. So this is Mister Rantaa. He doesn't look very pleased. His almost disappeared hair being combed in the middle of his head trying to cover what is way to big to be covered .  
„Hush. Hush now. I will do an entry in your class book later on Ylönen. And with who are you wasting time anyway?“ he hisses.  
„Doesn't matter you don't want us to be even more late for English class do you?“ Lauri grumbles and grabs my hand to toddle off towards the school entrance. I still feel my mouth opened in astonishment that he saved me by hiding my name. He seems to have all rights here, he didn't looked quite pleased about Mr. Rantaas appearance but he wasn't afraid of him after all.  
Mum wouldn't be pleased to get a call from school at my first day here even though it wouldn't be the first time anyway.  
„Jonne! Shut the fuck up or you will burp flies to a new life.“ Lauri laughs out loud as we reach our room. I gulp once more following him into the class were we were meet with a few glances of some other students.  
„Lauri you're late. Sit down andry to be on time next time.“ The young teacher says before turning back to the blackboard. I could barely hide my astonishment. Lauri seems to have every right here to do whatever he felt like doing.  
„Sorry Miss, I was showing Jonne around and we lost track of time.“ he says before we both drop to our seats and unpack our books and folders. I glance aside to see Lauri being completely calm and relaxed and from the corner of my eyes I recognize Tuomas whos sitting one row behind us a furious frown across his face.  
„Got laid by the git I guess.“ Tuomas hisses from aside getting a short slap at the back of his head by Lauri as he turned around like he was hit by a lightning.  
„Hold your horses motherfucker!“ Lauri hisses back before turning back to the front, opening his book and pencil case,   
We quickly started writing down all the vocabularies from the board and focus on the lesson to not get another warning for not paying attention or disturbing more then anything else.  
It seems so easy to loose focus when Lauri is around. He takes my mind off things.  
The rest of the day leaves like a rush when I hear the school bell ring for the end of today.  
Sighing heavily knowing that I have to find my way back home alone and get back into my shell with an racing mind and no one to waste time with. I really enjoyed Lauris attention to the fullest. I'd barely ever meet someone so easy going and talktive like him ever before.  
Sooner then expected I have to part ways with Lauri to go home. I sigh in the awkward feeling silence that has settled since school is out. Lauri pats my shoulder a bit before he jumps on his skateboard giving me a pityfull shy smile.  
„See you tomorrow Jonne!“ he says before taking speed and quickly disappearing.  
„See you!“ I whisper in the dust he had left behind, the wind taking my words from my lips.   
For my first day here in Helsinki it had been one of the best of my first days at schools recently. Usually I would have been gone home after the 2nd hour already because I either bored myself to death or was treated so bad that I felt like running of.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - memories

Minä olin kahdentoista kun äidin kanssa jäin/ I was twelve, when I was left alone with mom  
Heti isän lähdön jälkeen jokin särkyi sisälläin/Something broke inside of me instantly after the leaving of my father

I walk down the streets looking for our new place and trying to remember the way mom hat driven this morning. After half an hour I was close to give up , it felt like I would have walked through nearly every street in Helsinki without recognizing any of them as I finally saw the right sign at the corner saying: Eerikinkatu. I walk down the road passing a few bars and shops without paying further more attention before I reach our house. The truck that is parked in front of it can't be missed anyway. I see a few men shuffling and stagging boxes around before heading back to the truck. I can hear my mom shout as I got closer. She tells them were the furniture should be set and how she wants it to be put together.. It was about bloody time.  
“Jonne Baby.” She hugs me shortly before waving me of to my room as I enter the hall silently, just hesitantly looking around.  
“Hi Mom.” I whisper before disappearing in my room to drop my rucksack. At least our last things from Tampere came today so we should be done with moving. I'd never asked mom were she gets all the money to pay all the moving costs and stuff. It's not like we would be rich or something. I can feel my head start to ache as I toddle to the kitchen to get a snack while Mom is shouting at some of the packers to put the sofa in correct order to the shelfs on the left while it should be still facing the huge window towards the garden outside that currently more looks like a freaky jungle from a World Disney movie. Sometimes I'm not even sure if it ever was different from what it is now.   
As usual mom had ordered some take away instead of cooking herself. I can barely remember the day mom has cooked herself last. Was it always like that? Even when dad was still here? Thinking about why things are they way they are is giving me head aches all the time. It already started spinning in front of my eyes slightly  
I take the orange juice with me before leaving to my room again and flopping down on my bed making it squeak in protest as if I would be some kind of 120 kilo fat ass.  
I sigh and look up, sipping my juice right from the carton package and piercing the ceiling to give me answers. I wait knowing fully well that walls can't talk.   
Oh Dad. If you would be still with us things might be easier. I sigh and put the juice away to hug my pillow as the first tears stained my cheeks. I can barely remember his face by now even if it's just 4 years ago. It feels like an eternity to me. Almost like I never had a dad.  
Dad had the most longest and blondest and smoothes beautiful hair and deep blue eyes. His eyes were holding the most amazing ocean of the world sparkling every now and again mysteriously when ever a ray of sunlight shone in them.  
He was the best dad in the world. He'd done everything to see me happy and smiling.  
“Jonne boy. Daddy wants you to be a big boy. It's your birthday sweetie. You're already twelve and I will always be with you in your heart. You know that.” I look over at Snow White and I can hear dad says those last words to me as he was laying in hospital. It was my best and my worst birthday at the same time. The day I turned 12 was the day my life changed rapidly.  
“Dad don't feel asleep. Stay with me.” I begged him crying openly as his eyes had gotten heavier. He smiled at me tenderly his eyes sparkling one last time like a deep ocean.  
“Oh Baby boy. I will always will be with you. Don't cry. Dad is just tired.” He had soothed me while I felt his thumb caressing my cheek one last time.  
“I'm so proud of you baby and look how much you had grown since yesterday. You really need to take care and look after mommy for me.” I cried even more as I promised him to do so. I would have agreed to everything in the world if it had given me only one more minute with him.  
I'm sure dad had payed every possible amount of money to get healthy again but it didn't changed his destiny.  
“Come on honeybee. Take Snow White and play one last beautiful song for me, it's nevertheless the day of daddys big boy and as I bought this guitar all I wanted was to hear you play. You know how much I love to listen to you.” I had cried even more as I tugged the guitar he gave me to my lap and strummed some random notes before singing his favorite song to him. I had seen his breathing getting deeper and even before it stopped with the last played tab on my guitar. I remember hugging him tightly with my guitar buried in my lap begging him to wake up once more. I wasn't ready to let him go like that even though the doctors had tried their best to prepare me for this day. I had known this day will come one day but it felt all to soon. I lay there for what felt like hours crying heavily into the blanket that still hold his body which was slowly growing colder. The warmth of life slipping through the fabric and fading into the air taking my dad to somewhere hopefully warm and save.  
The nurse of the ward dad was on, had tried to get me away from his bed but I refused to let go off the blankets that I'd clenched tightly. Refused to accept that dad will never smile at me again,   
Never talk to me again.  
Never go fishing with me again.   
Never ask for a song again.   
Never will hold me tightly to his heart again.  
“No. Dad isn't gone. Dad you're still with me. You will wake up I'm sure! Dad! Don't leave me, please!” The nurse had tried her best to calm me down since mom wasn't even there when dad was gone. I'd never felt this hopeless in my entire life before. A few tears wetting my cheeks as the memory rushes through my head causing me to moan in pain. The head ache being back in full force as I clung to my bed sheet crying myself into an exhausted sleep longing for a hug of my dad. Just laying in his arms one last time snuggled into him closely.

“Jonne Baby. You're not asleep are you?” mom shakes me awake from my sleep making me blink in the gloomy light of the setting evening.  
“Mom!” I curse from under my pillow that I've thrown on my face as I roll over in bed to lay on my front. Avoiding the dim light as best as possible.  
“Come on young boy. Dinner is ready and you've slept most of the day.” I shrug at her. Who gives a shit. I still feel sore from my latest headache and a slightly nausea is creeping up my spine as she said Dinner. Not another Take away.  
“Won't you get your little ass up and down in the kitchen?” she pulls at the corner of my blanket.  
“Mom! I'm not hungry.” I groan at her. She sighs and leaves without anymore words.  
I close my eyes and try my hardest to fall back to sleep but mom is making such a noise in the kitchen downstairs that my head is still pondering slightly. I kick off my blanket and go for the shower. I'm not about to fall back asleep just yet and a warm spray will do me some good.  
As the warm water is finally running down on me I start to feel a bit better. But nevertheless I'm still not in the mood for any kind of food. I ignore the rumbling of my tummy and get out of the shower to dry myself off.  
I brush my teeth while sitting on the closed toilet lid and get back to my room in just a pair of cushy boxers.  
The sky outside gotten darker by now as I switch on the tiny lamp on my desk to get my bag ready for tomorrows day of school. It cost's me some time to find the right books and pack everything for tomorrows schedule neatly into my bag but I manage it quite well. I just hadn't done my homework, but I never do. Maybe Lauri let me sneak peak on his homework.  
“Jonne?!” mom shouts up the stairs again. Oh bloody hell can't she just leave it. Sometimes she's running my nerves to a fucking maximum not to mention the fact that I'm always grumpy after one of my headaches. I either ignore then answer her as I switch off the light and crawl back into my bed. Some more sleep would do me good before my alarm goes off for another day in school. At least it will be one more day with Lauri.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Every Day

I rub my eyes as the first rays of sunlight flood into my room and crawl up my bed sheets.   
Sleepily I blink at my alarm. I'm way ahead of time. My alarm is due in an hour but I guess if I drift off to sleep once more I will oversleep the alarm so I cuddle closer to my blanket and switch on the stereo with my remote control. The notes of Nirvana fill the room quietly before Kurts Voice booms in with the first lines of “Smells like Teen Spirit”. I sigh to myself as pieces of my dream reappear in my memory.   
I'd been on an island with dad where the sun was shining bright on a blue cloudless sky. We've had some barbeque and done a lot of fishing. We were boating in the middle of a mild summer just like we used to when I was a little boy and dad was still with me. At night we slept in a tent that dad and I have put up with a little fireplace in front of it where we could watch the stars on the night sky. I miss those times.  
“Jonne? Wake up!” Mom is calling up the stairs for me. She's always faster then the alarm on my bedside cabinet but usually I don't hear her cause I'm fast asleep.  
I stretch under the still warm blanket and roll onto my back. I don't feel like getting up anytime soon. I can hear how mum is rushing around in the kitchen before knocking on the wall downstairs again to wake me. I sigh even more before I let myself slide to the edge of the bed to get up switching my alarm clock off on the way. It took me a few attempts before my legs are ready to support my own weight. I ruffle my dreads and tie them back in a tail as I open my wardrobe to choose my clothing for today. I don't know what to wear. Somehow I'm a bit afraid to look too gay for another attack of Tuomas but I don't wanted to look too boring and casual for Lauri either. Searching through my pile of jeans I decide to go for another slightly tight bleached one with cutted knees. I pull them on after I'd changed my underwear and hesitantly look through my shirts. I pull out a few and lay them down on my bed before walking back and forth trying to decide for one of them.  
It's always hard to decide for one. I put the white one back in the wardrobe thinking it might be too boring before pulling it back out, unfolding it and looking at my reflection in the mirror while I hold the shirt closer to my body.  
No definitely not.  
I throw it back in the cupboard before trying a few others and finally settling for a simple blank one.   
“Jonne! Are you awake?” I hear mum shout up the stairs.  
“YES!” I shout back to the closed door not caring at all if she even had noticed my answer. I turn off the stereo and put my make up on in the bathroom before tieing my hair back more neatly and rushing down grabbing my bag downstairs and getting my fruitbox as usual.   
“I'm proud you managed to get up on your own today.” She hugs me shortly and shoves me out the front door. I sigh and try my best to find my way to school in time but after getting lost for the 3th time I am close to give up and waste my time in Kasaniemi park today. At least I wouldn't have to face Tuomas then but I wouldn't see Lauri either.  
I light myself another fag as I hear a skateboard close by stopping abruptly behind me. I step aside to make room expecting the skater to pass me when someone pokes my shoulder.  
I turn around to have my gaze fixed in twinkling green emeralds as green as fresh grass.  
“Moi Jonne!”  
“Hei Lauri.” I blush slightly cursing myself to have my hair tied back so its obvious to him.  
“No need to be shy.” he chuckles and we start walking together.  
“I'm not, just a bit surprised.”  
“You're late just like me. I like that.” Lauri smiles.  
“Yeah I still have problems finding my way so but I guess you won't get as much trouble as me for being late do you?”  
“Why do you think that?” Lauri looks at me puzzled.  
“I don't know it's just an impression. Seems like all teachers are quite at ease around you so you can do whatever you want to.” Lauri laughs making me almost drown in the smile he wears.  
“Jonne you're the first one telling me that. Thanks for being so honest.” he sniggers.  
“Sorry for doing so.” I try to get back on track as he still laughs to himself.  
“It's ok. It's totally ok.” he assures me. “It's not even a false statement.”  
I glance aside to him pretty much shocked.  
“Don't look so scared I'm not the coolest kid in town or something. I just have a father who pays a lot of money for the school. He donates a lot every year so I'm free like a bird somehow. At least the most teachers don't want to argue with me because they're afraid dad could stop the payment if they fuck up with me.” I look even more astonished as he smiles evily.   
“That's the positive side of being daddys boy. You know?” I nod shortly and drop my gaze back on the floor. So I bumped into the rich kid of the school with a lovingly dad how sarcastic is that.   
I don't ask him any further cause I'm afraid that my voice might be trembling if I do.  
Every time someone around me says dad I get all over emotional.  
We feel silent for a while as I keep on following Lauri since he seems to know the correct   
way towards our school.  
“Jonne.” I quickly look over to him as he takes a drag of his cigarette.   
“Yes?” I mumble almost inaudible.  
“Sorry if I said something wrong. I didn't wanted to upset you.” he gives me a small smile trying to fix my eyes as I keep on avoiding to look him straight into his.  
“Everything ok.” I mumble still looking away. I don't want to tell him the truth so I just pray he feeds my lie.   
“Jonne!” Lauri stops walking, making me look back and feeling even more uncomfortable.  
“What?” I look at him confused. I don't know whats the matter now.  
“Don't lie to me. I hate liars. I accept if you don't want to talk about it but please don't try to bullshit me.” My eyes go wide in pure shock as he steps forward and offers his wide open arms to me.  
“Let me give you a hug. I really like you and I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me whenever you have something heavy on your heart besides I'm sure you would do good with one.”   
I let him have his way feeling his tiny hands ghosting over my back giving me the hell of a goose bumps and a light shiver runs down my spine.  
”Th...Thank you” I stutter slightly blushing deep red in embarrassment. Never before someone has been that caring and kind with me. For a moment I try to relax in his embrace as I feel him smile warmly at my shoulder. I feel sorry for getting the wrong idea about him. He seems far more social then anyone else.  
Sooner then expected Lauri looses his grip on me and we start walking next to each other again. He's still very close to me but I try to keep some space.  
How far can I trust him? He wouldn't be the first one playing games with me.  
“What is rushing around in your little cute head Jonne? You look very distracted.” I can feel his gaze on me.  
“Just stuff you know.”  
“Being the new kid is never easy. We all are the stupid new one at least once in our life.” He sighs.  
“I know. I should be used to it by now.”  
“So if you don't mind is there any reason you're moving so much?”  
“I honestly don't know. Every time I ask I get no answer so I just stopped asking you know? But I would lie if I say it's not annoying as fuck.” I can see him nod from the corner of my eye. He looks thoughtful for a few moments before he smiles.  
“Actually I can't even imagine what it would be like to leave all my friends behind again and again. Don't you get tired of all the strange new faces?”  
“I do. I really do.” I sigh and give him a small smile before lighting another fag and offering one to him. He takes it and I can here him rummaging through his trouser pockets searching for the lighter.  
„Hang on.“ I get out my own before holding the flame out to him. He grins satisfied as he blew the smoke in the air quickly taking another drag.  
“It could be like that every day.” He chuckles before stopping abruptly.  
“Oh!” I've been so fixed on our conversation that I totally missed out the fact that we were walking to school and bumped into him.  
I throw the butt of my fag away and enter the school yard with Lauri in tow. I feel even more embarrassed for bumping into him again. My entire body was tingling in sensation as I touched his skin.  
As we enter the classroom, no one is there.  
“Lauri do we have the right room?” I frown at him wondering if we somehow managed to get lost.  
“Yes. That's awkward. I guess we missed out on something.” He seems a bit distracted as if he tries to remember something special.  
“And now?” I feel a bit relief that we don't get an entry in the class book for being late. At least not yet.  
„Come on Jonne! Lets check the secretary schedule, they might have changed something. I totally forgot to check it yesterday.“ I nod and follow him down the hall quickly.  
In the first floor we meet no one as we approach the schedule next to the office door. I try to get an image of it but fail miserably. It's just an addition of numbers and rooms in a quick chart with a few names. It doesn't make that much sense to me.  
“Fuck!” I hear Lauri curse after he had a quick look on that mess.  
“Whats up?” He looks so adorable as he is ruffling his hair.  
“I could have slept longer. The first 2 hours of History had been canceled cause Mr. Heralla had fallen ill.” he grumbles and rubs his eyes.  
„Damn. Same here.“ I sigh.  
„And now?“ Lauri grins evily having one eyebrow raised in question.  
„Looks a little bit like you would have a plan?“ I wink and wait for him to reveal the dirty secrets he's hiding.  
„No, not really. But it depends on what you are up to. Interested in a bit of fun?“ Lauri suggests with a sparkle in his green emeralds. It almost takes my breath away. If he would be suggesting what I am secretly hoping for I would think I would be in heaven.  
„Whatever you feel like. Show me what fun means in Helsinki.“ I wink back and see his face drop for a split second before he bursts into a fit of laughter.  
„Jonne, you naughty little fucker.“ Lauri laughs ignoring that I flinch a bit at his comment. Maybe I got him wrong after all.  
„Follow me!“ Lauri whispers suddenly and I do follow him like a little puppy dog.  
We pass a few corridors and I recognize that he's leading me floor for floor higher.  
What might be his plan?  
Does he know a special room that is free now?  
Has he got other plans like stuffing my head into a toilet? At least it wouldn't be the first time, not to mention the fact that the moment couldn't be better.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- The fish

At the end of the 3rd floor we stop suddenly. There is no more staircase leading upwards so I suppose that we are already on the top of the school. My breath got a bit out of rhythm from all the stairs that I feel a bit uneasy, damn smoking I really should stop it.  
„Lauri where the fuck are you leading us to?“ I still am impressed that he isn't out of breath at all.  
„Don't be such a fucking whim Jonne. You'll see soon enough. Hang on!“ He chuckles and stops at the end of the hall in front of the window. I really try my hardest to be patient with him. If he has brought us up here for nothing I can deny that I would be slightly pissed off. Lauri quickly looks around making sure that no one except us is around before opening the door to his left which is also the last one of the corridor. He tugs at my sleeve impatiently dragging me behind before putting his finger on my lips telling me indirectly to be silent. I can't respond anyway, just looking at him with big eyes in utter shock.  
After he closed the door behind us I can't see anything at all. Its dark here.  
“Darkroom Lauri?” I whisper seductive and grin like an idiot as I hear him choke on his own voice trying to suppress a fit of laughter.   
“Damn Jonne!” he hisses and pokes my ribs making me giggle like a little schoolgirl before I hear him rummage at the left side.   
“Protect your eyes!” Lauri whispers as I hear the squeaking sound of old wood. I do like I was told and cover my eyes with my hands as I feel the first rays of light flickering through .  
“You can take your hands down and slowly open your eyes.” I hear Lauri say and feel his breath ghosting over my ear making me almost jump out of my skin.  
I remove my hand squinting in the bright sunlight as I feel Lauri grabbing my hand and leading me out of the big window on the roof of the school. We climb up a small ladder to our right to get on top of the room we emerged from and I can barely hold my horses as Lauri swings his hips on the way up right in front of my face. How can one men look so incredible sexy while climbing up a stupid ladder.   
“Jonne? Everything ok with you? What are you staring at?” I blush deep red.   
“Nothing, Nothing.” I mumble defensive and see Lauri wink at me.  
“I just dunno. Lost track of time or something.” I mumble even quieter. Damn he caught me completely off guard. Lauri reaches out his hand as I was about to get the last bit of the ladder and pulls me up to the roof. His fingertips so incredibly soft and his arms strong at the same time. I can see his muscles work as he holds my tiny weight and whispers a few unknown lines in my direction: “flood like a feather.”  
My legs shake a little cause I'm a bit afraid of hights as I finally reach ground again but I calm myself down enough to get fixed in his green gaze again.  
“So why are we up here?” I ask him a bit out of breath still.  
“You'll see just follow me.” he sniggers and walks on to the right side of the building. I follow him still amazed how he rolls his hips with every step and almost bump into him again as he stops and gestures to the right wall opposite us. A huge graffiti is sprayed all over it.   
“Did you?” I'm impressed and at the loos of words as he just giggles and gives me a small nod.  
„WOW!“ I take a small step closer to the wall and try to follow the sprayed outline with my fingers. I have to squint against the bright sunlight in my back to finally read what is written on it.  
„FISH!“ I whisper silently and choke on my own voice as my memories hit me full force like a bullet shot in the back of my head. My eyes filled with tears immidiately and I try to blink them away.  
I keep my head down not knowing what to say to defend myself as I feel Lauri hugging me again. His arms offering a comfort I never got.  
„Hy Jonne, it's not so entirely beautiful that you need to cry.“ he chuckles and tries to cheer me up. I give him a small teary smile as I feel him messing around with my hair and playing with my hair tie like it would be some sort of special toy. I can just look at him ashamed. How could I even dare to let my self loose it like this.

„Because you feel save with him!“ the little voice in the back of my head replies.  
I barely even know Lauri?!

He frowns at me as I look up at him through all the water that scattered my cheeks to a grimace of pain.   
Our gazes look into each other like never before. The tingling of my body increasing with every minute as I stare into those amazing green that is about to swallow all my senses.  
My lips just inches away from his ones. I still hold my breath without actually noticing that I do as I feel him lean into me and brushing his lips over mine softly. They are warm and a bit rough at once swallowing all of me in one go.   
Hesitantly I respond to him as I feel him taking the lead by grabbing the back of my neck pulling me even closer into his warm body. Our lips caress each other in a slow passionate dance as I allow myself to get lost into him.   
Finding a bit of my usual self confidence in the back of my mind I take the advantage and let my tongue flicker over his bottom lip.  
Finally he slowly opens his mouth to let me in as we got even further carried away into each other with our tongues fighting for dominance into each others mouth.  
All too soon we are both breathing rapidly as we get on the verge of oxigen so we need to break the spell of his gorgeous taste. It feels like being pushed back to earth straight from cloud nine and dropping to the floor with a huge thud as we stare into each others eyes.   
Ocean into emeralds.  
I turn my look down first feeling the shame creeping up my spine silently, thinking I might have pushed things to far,  
„Jonne?“ Lauri whispers quietly making me look back into his soul eating eyes.  
„Yes?“ I reply with my voice shaking badly.  
„That was beyond beautiful.“ he whispers again and I can see him smile warmly.  
I smile back and feel my cheeks reddening even more at his compliment. I step back a bit scratching my neck shyly as I feel him taking hold of my hand.  
“No need to be ashamed of yourself.”  
“How did you know... I mean?” I trail off mid-sentence glancing at him unsure.  
“I dunno. I just liked you from second one.” He's ruffling his hair shyly as well.  
“Don't you think I'm a queer?” I whisper ashamed of myself.  
“Jonne!” Lauri exclaims taking a step forwards, closing the gap between us once more as I feel his finger tilting my head back to face him gently.  
“Don't you ever think something like that. Don't listen to all those assholes out there like Tuomas. You are you and you're special. Do you listen?” I nod weakly feeling my eyes welling up with tears once again. Lauri is having such a great heart.  
“Lauri...I ..I don't deserve that.” I whisper quietly trying to back off. Suddenly feeling the urge to run away.  
“Don't you say that. Everyone deserves someone Jonne. Also you. But I'm sorry for pushing you.” Lauri still helds my gaze as he gave me room to breath. I can see a bit of sadness and a gloomy glint lingering in those green.  
“It's me who needs to be sorry. I.. I mean it's just I..” helplessly I shrug my shoulders feeling completely dumb and silly at once for making things between us so damn awkward.  
“Its ok. I didn't meant to make you feel persuaded or anything after all. I just couldn't keep myself from wanting you.” he admits quietly turning a slightly shade of pink at this confession a lazy smile lingering on those still lightly swollen lips of his.  
I nod and let myself fall on the roof with a thud expecting Lauri to do whatever or dashing off.  
I usually am perfect when it comes to terms of how to ruin a lovely tender moment at its best.  
He crotches down in front of me rummaging through his backpack, quickly pulling out a black can of ink.  
“What are you up to?” I frown at him slightly as he starts shaking the can fast giving me shivers down my spine as I see those musces work and the movement of his hand giving me the weirdest pictures in my head.  
What does he might look like when he has a wank? Is he moving his hand in that same pace then? I try to shrug my perverted mind of still watching Lauri who turned around and walks over to the wall.  
He quickly moves his hand at the bottom left corner before I can hear the sound of the ink being sprayed.  
I watch him moving around for a while before he smiles to himself and steps aside glancing over at me evilly. I raise my eyebrow in silent question. I gasp in shock as he revealed his newest creation. A shadow of a key with the initials of me J. A. L.  
I'm totally stunned. Lauri slowely walks over to me before crotching down again putting the can away and leaning forward to me.  
“You carry the key to your heart Jonne never forget that he whispers close to my lips. His eyes almost piercing me as I feel his lips ghosting over mine for a short moment tenderly again before he smiles and nood towards the ladder.  
“Let's get back to class.” I agree without words and follow him back in the building. We rest in the darkness of the room leading us back in for a few longer holding hands in the pitch black. Lauris fingers entwined with mine stroking over the top of mine every now and again. It feels almost magical. Too soon he let go off my hands and opens the door to the hallway again spilling the pair of us back in the mass of pupils that are scattered all over.


	7. Chapter 7

-7- Potatis and fruits  
I walked down the aisle to our classroom glancing at Lauri every now and again. I still felt slightly shocked about our kiss on the roof top earlier. The bell signals the end of class and we slip in the room just as quietly as we had left, taking our seats just as the first students dash inside.  
I'm unpacking my rucksack and can see Tuomas coming my way down the aisle. I try to ignore him but can't avoid to flinch at his beastly comment.  
"Aww look at this stupid faggot trying to look serious!" he hisses just seconds before I can feel him slapping the back of my head hard, making my forehead crash down on the desk.  
I squint away the tears and just act like nothing would have happened. Putting it down as one of those things that just happen. Lauri roars abuse at him and reached under the table to take hold of my hand reassuringly. His comfort makes my skin tingle warmly and I smile up at him gratefully.  
"Thank you. " I form those words quietly just slightly moving my lips to avoid someone might taking notice. He nods and the door slams shut as our teacher steps in.   
Immediately silence fell heavy down the room.  
I sigh realizing it's going to be another boring class of Swedish. I fucking hate Swedish!   
Mr. Taallsten started bubbling his way through today’s epilogue writing on the blackboard simultaneously.   
"Potatis bla bla bla. " Actually the only word apart from Skol! that I do understand. I poke Lauri softly making him squint and yawn.   
"Shh Taallsten is having a fucking potatis as a brain. " I whisper and see Lauri silently chuckling to himself.   
"Lauri! And your new mate there, whoever you are. Whats so funny?"   
"Potatis. " Lauri spats and started laughing out loud. The teacher looks at us dumbstruck while we're about to die from the lack of air caused by the enormous laughter.   
"I don't get it. Explain! NOW in SWEDISH of course. " he smirks and we fell silent. So the rest of class is enjoying the joke on our costs now while Taallsten is rambling on.   
I see Lauri opening a new side in his Swedish book scribbling a hang man with a potato head.   
He nods down on it and smiles. I turn red trying to suppress more laughter.   
"Great job!" I whisper and we start to play Hang Potatis Taallsten“ man.  
For some reason no one really seems to be the looser. We are both making totally jerks of ourselfs. Doing mistakes all time long. We reach the last word. Its Lauris turn.   
He marks 4 letters. L is going to be the first.   
He smirks at me struggeling. That actually can't be true. I ponder quite a while. Theres no way out of it. After all that happened on the roof top less then 30 minutes ago.   
I flinch making Lauri eyeing me suspicious.   
"Come on Jonne. Its not that hard. " he whispers in my ear sending shivers down my spine with his hot breath.   
I take the pencil from him and scribble the result down while blushing an enormous shade of pink.  
"LOVE. " My breath is caught in my chest as I look up in his warm eyes. He's gently smilling down on me and shakes his head. Quickly drawing the hanged potato making me blush even harder.   
I'm such a fool. A caughing right next to me makes me jump half a foot in the air.   
Mr Taallsten is standing next to us. His hand quickly pulls the paper off of our desk.   
"Lets see which of the swedish vocabulary you should write down is so funny to the pair of you. " he smirks an his gaze glides down our gaming pad. He frowns and laughs out loud. "I guess that could be pretty interesting to share with the rest of the class!" he smirks.   
I feel like a huge bucket of ice cold water had been thrown straight into my face. The color drained off leaving me pale as well as Lauri. Taallsten fiddels with our piece of paper while the entire class seems to hold their breath before he knit it in his fist and throws it in the trash.   
"So you both better pay attention now or the next secret message will be read out aloud to everyone.“ he hisses.  
Did I mention how much I hate Swedish?   
Me and Lauri nod silently and pull out a fresh paper scribbling this lessons vocabulary down fast.   
"I'm sorry. " Lauri whispers softly. I give him a gental shove against his knee in response. After all it'd been my fault as well but I really want to know which word he guessed.  
What does he even think of me now? The school bell rings us into break. I sigh in relief and pack my bag quickly dashing off to yesterdays shadowed place under the willow.   
I sink down with a thud and stretch on the soft grass followed by a smilling Lauri resting his head on the curve of my ellbow.   
He pulls out his pack of ciggs lighting one before passing it over to me. I grab it nodding and taking a deep drag.  
"So this is what you call lunch then, huh?" I chuckle softly glancing down on his messy blonde hair that is sparkling in the sunlight slightly.   
"Yeah sure. You'd better don't start picking on my smoking habits dude. " he laughs making me rising an eyebrow at him in silent question.  
"What?" Lauri frowns up at me.   
"Why should I ask and why are you mentioning it if you don't want to be asked about it either. Birdbrain. "   
"Damn. " he exclaims giggeling along.   
"So tell me more. "   
"Noooo! Don't pick at me!" I giggle and stamp out the butt of my cigg, pulling out my daily fruitbox.   
Lauri smiles, silently watching me open the box.   
I recognize the slowly hidden motion of his hand and pull down the fruitbox lid just in time as he tries to get some of it,squishing his finger on the rim of my box.   
"Ouchi!" Lauri calls out aloud sucking his index finger sulkily.   
"What was that for!" he complains in a childish voice. I chuckle at him sucking his finger like it would be something else.   
"Try to be a good boy and ask first before you just go for it. " He pouts.   
"I'm way more better then you expect me to be. " a dirty smile plasters his face as he pulls his finger out of his mouth looking at it shortly before sucking it again.   
"What do you mean. " I grin evily expecting the most rude comment I might have ever heard.   
"What do you think. " he retords slowing down his assault on his finger.   
"You're pretty good in sucking then. " I see his face drop in astonishment for a few before he laughs out almost banging his forehead on the bottom of the tree in the process.   
"Kinky you. I won't answer that. " I pretend to be sulking, opening my fruitbox and started eating. I'm about to stuff my face with a delicious strawberry as Lauri looks around quickly, climbing up on me and biting the other half of it, ending it in a quickly kiss before he leans over to my ear whispering: "Maybe I'm going to show you one day. "   
He rolls off of me like nothing would have happened, putting on a puppy dog look.  
"Jonne do you mind sharing with me. " he whines smiling.  
"Aww. Poor little you gotten your sisters lunch again. Of course I don't mind. " I pat his messy blonde hair, ruffling it slightly. His face is beaming as we get started on my fruitbox.

 


	8. Chapter 8

-8- Stranger  
"Lauri!" My eyes snap open as I see a tall guy running towards us. He wears glasses, dreadlocks and seriously his swimming trunks together with a black shirt with the font guilty in red.  
Lauri shots up like being stroked by the lightning. I can see his face lightning up with joy as he jumps to his feet and almost up on the stranger cuddling him like wildfire.   
"Aki!!!" Lauris shouting fills half the school yard. The other one is spinning Lauri around like a small child grinning stupidly as they start bubbling straight away. A few people who had looked over to us smiling turned back to their stuff, while Lauri sits down again with this Aki guy.   
Lauri acts like he would be his boyfriend and I can't help the fact that I feel a bit hurt.   
Maybe I was just a bit of fun to him. He's still everybodys darling here in school.   
"Ey you sleepy head!" Lauri's nudging my shoulder sharply making me smile faintly   
"Jonne this is Aki. Aki this is Jonne."  
"Hey dude. " He pats my knee enthusiasticly.   
"Moi." I give him a small silly smile. Why the hell do I even care who he is. Might be because I'm jealous. Stupid me. I just feel I'm really loosing my mind for Lauri.   
He and Aki are catching up on something as Lauri shuffles closer to me parking his head right in my crotch without even asking, holding it up on one hand slightly before I can feel him looking up.   
I turn my attention back to the conversation.   
"Yeah Aki same as all time long. Tuomas is always picking on the new ones this damn dick. " Aki chuckles.   
"Thought he finally got bored of it after I told the entire school that he sucks in giving blow jobs. " Aki and Lauri start laughing as I just sit there with my jaw on the floor. What are those two talking about and most of all I'm having a major moment of appreciating this Aki guy for talking about being gay more or less serious and without any hesitation.   
Even my mum doesn't know about my sexual orientation not to mention telling it openly at school. I would never have the guts to do so.   
"Jonne your teeth might get sour from all that airpolution. Have a fag and do yourself some good. " Aki passes me one of his quickly lighting his own looking satisfied with himself.   
I think I would do good with some explanations. My confusion seems to be obvious to everyone as Lauri smiles lovingly patting my thigh gently.   
"So Aki hang on. The lunch is almost over I guess we fill Jonne in first before he is totally out of order. " Aki nods smoking happily to himself as I have a deep drag on my own hoping that it would calm me down.   
What will be coming my way?   
Lauri smiles still stroking up and down my thigh. My skin tingles in sensation. He's driving me nuts.   
"So Jonne this is Aki. He's one class higher then we are and just started his Highschool. " I nod waiting for more.   
"Besides me , Aki is the greatest weirdo apart from Eero in Suuteralia. One more reason that he's my best friend. I know him since kindergarten. " both chuckle as Aki buts in.  
"Back those days Lauri came to us anew and to say Hello properly I'd thrown some hands full of dirty sand in his babyface. "    
"Come on Aki not those stories. "  
"What? Guess we had one of our most glories fights ever then. You cried like a one year old. " Aki chuckles.   
"Nahh But it had been you who shouted like a little girl. " Lauri sticks his tongue out at him  
"I was just testing if you're a pussy or not. " I just nod as Lauri fills me in shortly before the school bell gets us back in our seats.   
Math was up on next and I chuckle seeing Lauri pulling puke alike faces right next to me.  
"I don't get that shit!" he hisses angrily throwing his pencil full force on the desk.   
"Keep calm may I help you?" I offer him being glad to have a reason to talk with him during class without our teacher being pissed off by it.   
"There's no use I will never get it. " I pat his shoulder shortly before explaining the task to him in detail but as easy as possible. He smiles softly before trying the next on his own still struggling and sighing desperately as we write down our homework.   
"Fucking shit!" he grumbles ruffling his hair.   
"I won't do that!" he complains. I ponder what to do now.   
"So you're way better with words. " He nods missing the hint completely.   
"I guess I'll ask Eero to let me copy his."   
Who the fuck is Eero?   
"I could..." I trail off guessing it would be too much to ask after all.   
"Would you?" an excited smile lightens up his face as I nod quickly.   
"Woah Kiitos. Kiitos. Kiitos!" he's almost bouncing in his chair.   
"So you will just stop at mine after school would you?" he is asking excited.   
"Sure, I don't mind. Just will give my mum a quick call then so she knows. "    
"Awesome!" he whispers.   
"So could you tell me which word you were thinking about earlier?" I whisper back still a bit afraid to get into trouble.    
Lauri smirks.   
"It was lime actually. But your answer was pretty creative. "   
He sticks his tongue out at me and I chuckle softly.   
"Spoilsport. Lime like limonade?" Lauri licks his lips teasingly.  
“Lime like sex you know, when it feels like limonade tickling and bubbling and the bubblels plop.” I look at him stunned but smile nastily while he grins rather dirty his thoughts seem like they had wandered of to somewhere unknown but really hot.  
The next break frees us from Math.  
Finally. Lauri was getting very impatient about the theme we're working through currently.

Aki is already awaiting us outside, leaning at the wall totally at ease with himself.   
Lauri's heading straight towards him and I try to catch up. I'm just about to reach the pair of them as Aki jumps out at me hugging me, turning me with my back towards Lauri as a short Bang is heard.   
From the corner of my eye I see Tuomas lying on the floor holding his knee.  
“You fucking faggot just punched me without permission!” Tuomas growls dangerously his eyes flashed with pure anger.  
Aki puts me back down and bends down over to him. I can't prevent myself from hidding behind Akis broad backside feeling off scared that I don't even recognize Lauri taking hold of my hand and squezzing it comforting.  
"Hi you sucker of an asshole. If I catch you again doing or up to do anything to Jonne I will tell your darkest secrets. GOT IT!" Aki hisses into his face so just Tuomas and the pair of us can hear it. Tuomas glares at me but nods shortly before getting to his feet again and qickly dashing off. 


	9. Chapter 9

-9- the picking session  
I'm still slightly shocked about what happened just a few moments back.  
"Woh Jonne you're not going to pass out right next to me do you?" Lauri eyes me suspicious. I shake my head and dash of to the toilets. Thank god our classroom is almost right next to it. I turn the watertap on splashing my face with icecold water to stop those little black flakes blurring my view. I feel sick down my stomach. "Jonne?!" his voice is filled with pure innocent concern as he steps right next to me his hand squeezing my shoulder slightly.   
"Hi. No worries it's going to fade away. " I give him a weak smile.  
"You still look quite pale. " he points out as his fingertips gently run down my cheek. "It will pass. I promise. " After a few moments I can feel the so familiar hot tickling creeping up my face and am sure that the color is slowly returning to my face.   
I sip a bit of water from my folded hands and dry them off on the backside of my pants afterwards. Not feeling very refreshed but better nevertheless.   
Lauri grins at me as he started giggeling straight away.   
"What? Why are you laughing at me or are you laughing about me?" I raise an eyebrow at him in silent question.   
"It's just that..." he stops snickering again.   
"Lauri for fucks sake! What's wrong with you? Is this your weirdo part creeping out of the shadows?" I try to look serious but can't prevent my smile giving me away.   
"It's your ass!" he whispers as he leans in closer to me.   
"What's up with my ass, huh. " He glares at me playfully leaning even closer to me. "It just looks so sexy in those pants of yours with your hand prints on just like someone would have grabbed it like this. " I yelp as he quickly takes hold of my ass pushing our bodies togetherand giving my cheeks a gentle squezze as his lips ghost over mine for a moment. I can feel my blood boil and hear it rushing in my ears. We pull apart quickly as the door squeaks seeing Aki walking in with a silly grin. "Thought you both might have accidentally flushed yourself down in here. Everything alright?" he asks looking us dead in the eye. "Well it was all fine. " "Was?" Aki grins innocently. Seems like he is fully aware of what he just ruined.   
"Aki oh dear just shut the fuck up!" Lauri hisses and glares at him.   
Aki raised his arms in protection.   
"I won't tell anybody. " I feel kind of embarassed by that and try to avoid looking at anyone in particular.   
"Woah Jonne!" Aki exclaims giggeling furiously.   
"What?" my voice sounds more unsure then I expected it.   
"You look cute when you blush. I know straight away why Lauri is eyeing you. " I shake my head in denial.   
"Just leave it. " I mutter under my breath and get past him, having the urge of a smoke so badly like never before.   
Aki is quite a direct guy I'm not sure if I can handle that.   
I squezze myself in the tiny smoking gap me and Lauri used a few days back and light myself one.The air in here is filled with smoke immidiately but I couldn't care less.   
It calms me down. Somehow this Aki really is a strange guy. Opened up towards everything and everyone but sometimes he is like a brick wall, just pushing in the house with the entire door. I sigh heavily and allow myself to let my thoughts wander. Maybe I shouldn't push things with Lauri that far. It will hurt me terribly in case mom decides to move again. I shouldn't feel that way for him. He was a really great friend to me since day one already. Accepting me just the way I am with all my mood swings and strange ways of thinking about things. Letting myself fall for him will complicate everything and might as well ruin our friendship.   
I sigh thinking about Leaving Lauri already hurts. "Hey Jonne. " I don't dare looking up now as I hear Lauri whispering those words close.   
"Aww Aki didn't intend to get you upset. " he soothed taking hold of me once more bringing me in for a hug. I allow myself to rest my head on his chest sighing deeply. I guess it's too late to step back. I'm addicted to him.   
His voice is letting every worry vanish and his embrace is just what I need for my own peace of mind.   
Lauri cuddles me close allowing me to absorp the warmth of his body.   
"Don't get upset Aki is just picking on us he won't tell anyone and besides all that you are way to beautiful to not stare at you. He probarly just checked you over. " Lauri soothed kissing me slightly on the forehead. I give him a small smile.   
"So what about going home?" he suggests.  
"But we have still 2 hours of History to go. " I protest.   
"No we haven't. The teacher is still called in ill. " His face is beaming as I hug him some more being glad to get out of school now.   
"Then it sounds perfect to me. " He let go of me and I quickly shoulder my backpack as we leave the school yard.   
Tuomas is awaiting us at the gate an angry flinch on his face.   
"Oh Ylönen are you going to have some gay fun with your new little friend over there. " he hisses steping in our way crossing his arms over his chest  
"Fuck yourself for starters. I have friends at least so stop annoying the shit out of me you filthy little swag git. Get over your own stupidity and stop sucking everybodys dick it might help you getting a job where you don't have to bend over later on. " Lauri snaps at him and pushes past, dragging me behind. I'm totally surprised I wasn't expecting him loosing it like this. Lauri lits himself another fag dragging on it angrily. "Dear, I swear one day I will kill him alive. " He mumbles to himself before becoming silent once more.  
I don't dare talking to him right now just in case he might snap at me as well.  
I sigh following him home. I at least pray for his mood to fade cause I can't imagine teaching him anything for math class when he's distracted by his anger.  
Lauri stops in the middle of the sidewalk turning back to me biting his lip nervously.  
"I'm so sorry Jonne. It wasn't my intention to freak out like this. It's just sometimes he's really pissing me off you know. " I nod without saying a word.   
Lauri's kneeding his hands nervously all over sudden.   
"I'm not an aggressive person. So sorry if I'd scared you or anything. "  
I give him a small smile. Lauri steps forward still biting his lips with a puppy dog look plastered all over his face.

 


	10. Chapter 10

-10- step by step  
There's no way then just to give in. I sigh and giving him a small smile before we keep on walking.    
Like usual he keeps his pace smooth so it's easy to follow him through a couple of dusty streets. First it seems to get even slightly dirty. I'm almost considering the fact that he might live not as nice as he once told before we step on a huge place with trees and filled with sunlight all over.

It takes my breath away as I register Tuomiokirkko right away. The huge sign of Helsinkis old times rises up in front of us. Almost touching the sky. It made me gasp in astonishment everytime.   
"Oh dear you look like a tourist." he giggles as I keep on staring at it.   
"I'm Sorry it's just so damn facinating. "  
"Well therefore I guess the churches in Tampere had been shit. " he giggles some more.   
"No it's just Tuomiokirkko kicking me in the guts each time. " he smiles as we sit down on the stairs for a moment.   
The fresh air makes us shiver. Soon summer will be over.   
"Oh dear it's so funny to see you looking around like you would be here for the first time ever. " I giggle slightly and shot him an apologicising glare. Somehow I feel stupid for acting like that but I just can't help it.   
"If you need some time to appreciate that view I can tell you a story. " Lauri whispers in my ear. I feel the goose bumps tickling down my spine as his breath is ghosting over my neck.   
So warm and tender but so gentle at the same time.   
"Tell me!" my voice not more then a soft breath.   
"When I was a young boy." I chuckle at this image.   
"You aren't that much older by now. " He raised his eyebrows at me in amusement.   
"Anyway, when I was younger I got caught by the police. " he sniggers.   
"Well.." I started to say not finding anything to laugh but he silenced me right away as he brushed his fingertips over my lips.   
"They caught me spraying my tag right over there on the 5th step of Tuomiokirkko. They arrested me and called my parents. " I gasp. Following his arm showing over to the side and a bit upwards from where we sat.   
"My dad went balistic as I told him that I'd gotten ood of all the white shit when we're having tons of white snow in winter anyway. " Lauri chuckles even more now.   
"Did you get punished?" I ask horasely. He shakes his head laughing.   
"My tags are sprayed all over Helsinki and I never even got warned. "   
"Amazing. " I could only stutter.   
"Dad just paid for the cleaning of Tuomiokirkko. He was a bit angry about that and just refused to buy me a new drumset for 2 months ignoring my pleads since it had been my birtday. " He laughs and ruffles his hair.   
"So sounds like you're not daddys golden boy everytime at all. " I tease him.   
"I never tried to be. But my sister was giving him all credits he needed as a business man. She started university this year abroad in France. " He sighs heavily.   
"Oh you must miss her?" I stated more then asked. He nods and smiles weakly.   
"Hanna was always the best of us both. Doing the right things perfectly at exactly the right time. " I can see his eyes beginning to fill a bit as the memory hits him. I can tell that he truely loves her even so I don't have a sister nor a brother.  
"At least she's still with you just a bit further away. " I try to cheer him up and see him smile.  
"Anyway! I would suggest we go home now. " I nod as we make our way to Lauris. It isn't that far away from Senatorri as he stops at a driveway with black old looking iron gates. The material forming floral patterns. 

Kyllä aika haavat parantaa/ Time heals all wounds  
Joku joskus pääsi sanomaan/ Someone sometime said

 


	11. Chapter 11

-11- James Bond  
The drive way is a bit longer then usual and some bushes hide the view towards the house. Lauri presses his thumb onto a cold metal plate at the side of the gate and a short click is heard.   
I felt as if I would be staring into a James Bond movie.   
I gulp audible for everyone.     
"Jonne whats wrong come on in you look like someone would have just had a shit on the lawn. " he sniggers. I follow him slowly feeling pretty shitty at once.   
He leads me up the long road to a huge house. The facade has a mild mint green painting that matches his eyes perfectly.   
Oh My in what have I gotten myself into. As we finally reach the porch I'm so racked with nerves that I expect the worst. But its just Lauri fiddling a key out of his backpack and unlocking the door.   
"Don't be scared." Lauri smiles and presses my hand. I follow him inside reluctlantly and try to fix my gaze on the expensive wooden parket under my sneekers.   
Oh holy fuck! Jonne this is defo not the right place for you to be.   
"Lauri is this you?" a female voice is heard.   
"No mum a bloody snowmen just walked in without you noticing. " A huge fit of laughter is heard as a red haired head pops around a door at the end of the corridor.   
"Welcome home lovely, go and do your homework and adress to Eero no more guitar before the pair of you is finished or you don't get cookies today. "  
"We'll see Eero isn't with me today anyway. " His mum walks out towards us slightly surprised.   
" Well, nevertheless you're not alone. " she laughs and I feel her gaze checking me over. I shuffle my feet nervously.   
"I'm Liisa and you are?"   
""Uhm I'm..." my voice is shaken by uncertainty. Lauri sniggers.   
"Mum this is Jonne. "   
"Oooh!" she sounds surprised.   
"Hi Jonne, I'm Liisa. Lauri was talking about you all time long yesterday. " She shakes my hand and I feel embarassed cause it's covered in cold sweat.   
"Well nice to meet you Miss. " I flash her a faint smile and feel very small all over sudden.   
"Oh no fussing dear call me Liisa. "   
I nod and Lauri hisses "Mum!"  
"What?"  
"Don't make it more awkward as it already is. " She gives me a lovely smile and dashes back into the kitchen.   
"Come on!" Lauri takes hold of my hand and draggs me up a staircase.   
" This is the toilet!" He points at a door on our right side.   
"There's my sisters room and that's mine. " He stops right next to the next door and pulls out another key. I feel even more awkward now.   
At all those places mum took me till now I never had a key to lock up, sometimes I didn't even had an own room. Lauri unlocks the door and pulls me inside. I feel very small now.  
His room is huge, like it would actually be 3 rooms instead of just one. It looks a bit like a lounge. A black leather couch is taking up most of the space.   
Theres a desk out of glass in the right corner sourounded with a few book shelfs and a panorama window along the entire side. I can see a phone and a laptop on it and it's scattered with papers and pencils on the other side. The desk chair looks like it was just pushed back in a sudden flash of hectic.   
I see a door on the left side covered with a giant poster of a flying crow. Lauri throws his rucksack to the floor with a thud and flopps down on the couch. He pulls out a bottle of coke from under the table in front of him and pats the seat next to him.   
"Get comfy. " he smiles and is already sprawled across half the place.   
Hesitantly I shuffle my bag between my legs and take a seat at the end of this huge sofa. I'm still quite astonished about Lauris house. He fidels with a remote before loud music feels the room.   
I would recognize Nirvanas "Where did you sleep last night" everywhere. Lauri's eyeing me closely and I couldn't help myself from grinning wide nor can I prevent my lips from wispering the lyrics right away. Out of the corner of my eye I can see him smile and doing just the same.   
As the song ends he takes another sip from his bottle of coke.   
"That's one of my all time faves!" he says pulling out an ashtray from underneath the table before opening one part of the window. 


	12. Chapter 12

-12- homework  
Lauri opens his pack of ciggarettes and offers me one as well. My eyes feel like they would just plopp out of my face and roll all over the ground. Is he seriously allowed to smoke at home?   
"Jonne, you don't have to it's just an offer. " he sniggers.   
"Doesn't your mum will get pissed?" He looks at me somehow uncertain before he shakes his head.   
"Just if I don't open the windows and if I ask her for money just to buy ciggarettes. " I'm totally stunned.   
"What about your mum? you look like she's not that pleased with you smoking." I slowly shake my head.   
"She knows it but she wouldn't support it in any way. " I say softly and feel somehow strangely ashamed of myself.   
"Aww no need to blush dear thats so typical for parents. I used to steal my dads ciggarettes when I started smoking. " He leans forward looking at me somehow beamused.   
"Seems like we have something incommen then. " I whisper and dare to gaze at him. He's way to close. His eyes so deep like a forest in spring. It feels as if he would be piercing me.  
"Well I guess you didn't get caught in your PJs in the middle of the night with a few faggs in hand." he smiles as the memory seems to cross him.   
"Must feel like being naked a bit, huh?" I retort and can see his lips moving upwards as he smiles widely.   
"Well you captured t pretty good except of the PJ part. " His breath is ghosting over my ear as he leans in more closer then before.   
"Wouldn't it been more weird to get caught just in your undies. " I whisper back. My heart is furiously beating hard in my throat it seems. He smiles. His breath seems hotter and closer then before as he sits down on my lap.  
"Ashamed would have been when I were naked. " His voice so low, dark and catchy it sends cold shivers down my spine. I can't prevent myself from gasping.   
Lauri smirks at me beamused. His lips are just inches away from my own and I close my eyes in reflex.   
"I like the imagination of that. " I dare to answer. I can hear him giggeling for a short while before his soft lips caressed mine in slow motion. The light turns out and a million stars explode in front of my eyes as our tongues begin to dance, first shyly but grewing passionate with every move.  
He takes over my senses, I can feel him rushing in my veins, burning lust is cloudening my view. I can't supress a soft moan escaping as Lauri plungs his tongue almost down my throat. Restlessly my hands wander across his broad backside trying to memorize every inch of that perfect body. Burning it into my brain for ever and always. The shape of his spine., the working muscles as he pressses me further into the soft fabric of the leather sofa. His mouth is trailing down to my neck, sucking as he went with his green gaze never leaving mine. He's aware of what he's doing but I couldn't resist to scratch his shoulders hard as he let his hand slip down in the waistband of my boxers.  
„Lauri this isn't homework.“ I sigh. I need more of him and I don't even know why my brain is coming up with such motion killing questions. He smiles cheekyly.  
„Oh Jonne haven't I told you I'm the master of biology and I guess you would do good with some practice for next weeks S.E test.“ he chuckles as he pushes my top further up exposing the skin of my belly. The fire is starting to spread into southern regions as he grasp me softly nibbling down the trail of hair and redrawing it back up with his tongue before he plugs it into my navel circling slightly. I feel like I was about to shout out aloud. Lauri quickly covers my mouth with his again.  
„Don't be so noisy or I'll get you another lesson right ahead.“ his eyes are glimming with lust as I took hold of his hair pulling him down, crashing our mouths harder onto another and thrusting my hips upwards.  
„Someone's impatient huh.“ he relines my lips as we dive off into another heat wave of pleasure and extacy.   
I took hold of his ass squeezing it hard before popping open the button of his jeans tugging it as much down as it goes along with his boxers as our hot skin finally made first contact.  
„Fucks sake!“ I hiss quietly barely able to hold back any more.  
„Mhh..“ Lauri closes his eyes just remaining like that with that constant sound of pleasure vibrating deep in his chest as our errections touch each other. I do not even remember him opening my pants or anything else. My brain shut down entirely as he kissed me. Grinding into one another we get lost even more before a sharp knock on the door made us froze to the spot before rushing into the opposite corners of the couch fastening our pants in lightning speed. Lauris mum pops her head around the door with a tablet on one arm. I can feel my face burning in frustration and shame. What if she had just walked in on us making out heavily. The blush is making me look like a firefighter car. I try to hide behind my hair as best as possible.  
Lauri looks just as if nothing would have been going one just a few moments back. His hair a bit messed up where I was tugging but nothing else. 


	13. Chapter 13

-13- oh mother mr. math  
"Thanks mom!" he smiles a bit impatiently as she gives him a few advices to not linger around for too long and to shut off the electricity in case his xbox get's more importance then our homeworks. Lauri chuckles at her.   
Well we weren't playing any kind of games earlier. I think to myself as she's out the door again.  
"Xbox, huh?" I try to sound casual but my voice is still way too high from excitement and my blood is still boiling in my veins. He smirks and rumarged through his backpack getting out the math books, pencil case and a few papers, scattering them on the glas table next to his ashtray.   
"Aki is the gamer boy. He beats the shit out of me in Call of Duty everytime." Lauri smiles as he looks down on the math supplies sighing heavily.  
"Come on! It's not so bad to get through." I assure him as he opens the book and searches for the page with the tasks.  
"Well may I warn you, it just took 5 minutes for Eero to be so fucking annoyed with me that he just scribbles the correct answers down so it's done and out of the way."  
"Well I won't do your homework. You either do it yourself or leave it." I wink at him making a clear line. It is hard for me to back away like that but I'd been the stupid shit way too often.   
"No offence." he slides closer to me and looks back down on the book getting his papers across his lap as he took hold of the pencil and rewrites the first task.   
"So how does this shit works?" his gaze is slightly amused, slightly afraid.  
"Well let me have a look at the task. We have the following: 2x + 6 = 8.This is pretty easy. All you need to do is the opposite operation till x is the only thing left." He chews on his pencil like I would have told him the end is ending tomorrow.   
"You mean 8 minus 6?" he seems unsure.  
"Yeah that's the start."  
"So what is this then? I mean 8 minus 6 equals 2."  
"Correct so you have left over: 2x = 2" He writes it down.  
"Yeah seems to make sense."  
"Well you have to write what you do next to the task." I remind him. He scribbels down.  
"You mean like this?" He shows me his paper saying: 2x + 6 = 8 - 6  
"No." I take hold of his pencil using the rubber and correcting it.  
"This is it. 2x + 6= 8 \ -6"  
"I see and now?"   
"Now you reduce it again. We have 2x = 2 leftover so what are you going to do to get the x left alone?" He thinks for a while.  
"Maybe subtract again?"  
"No. What else could you do? There aren't to many options left." I smile.  
"Divide maybe?"  
"Good Choice." Lauri scribbels down: 2x = 2 \ /2  
"So it's x=1?" He asks more then states.  
"Yeah you got it." He smiles and crushes me in a hug while we go on to the next one.   
"It's not that hard isn't it? You only need to remind that you need do the opposite."   
"Thank you dear!" We do the next bits all by ourselves. Sometimes Lauri ask for assurance once more but he seems to have nailed it on his own now. I watch him scribbling down the last one and putting down his notepad.   
"Over and done with. Thank God! Would you mind checking it over?"  
"No I don't mind." He slides closer resting his chin on my shoulder as I scan his homework over. He has done a pretty good job and I don't have to correct anything at all.  
"Everything correct! Well done." I smile. He smiles back his lips ghosting over my jawline before he throws himself back into the fabric sighing contently to himself and scratching at his hip.  
"You are still alive see?" I wink and put my own homeworks back into my backpack.   
"Thank god my dad isn't here. He tends to get nuts when he tries to teach me anything. " Lauri chuckles. My expression is about to burst but I quickly compose myself. Lauri frowns.  
"Something wrong Jonne?"  
"Nahh.everything’s fine I just I guess I got to go. I haven't rung mum and she will be pretty pissed cause it's late." I can't resist the words just spill out of me like that. I somehow have to get out of here before all this happy fucking family shit get's too much for me. I can feel my nerves creeping up on me and I'd been enough of a crybaby by now. I almost get the chills as I remember crying in his arms on the rood top of the school. Seeing Lauri glancing over at the clock still frowning a bit but he seems to not push the matter any further.   
"Yeah you might better go. I don't want you to be in trouble cause of me. I hope your mum is no dick when you get home." he smiles laziely and get's to his feet. I shuffle my rucksack on my shoulder ready to leave as he is clung around my neck once more. He's a bit in cuddle mood it seems and I like the comfort he’s showing but I'm just too nervous by now.  
"Yeah, uhm well see you tomorrow." I smile as he ushers me out of the door, down the stairs. His mother is closing a door in the hallway she just seemed to have come from and smiles.  
"Oh are you leaving jsut now?"  
"Yes Mam." She laughs.  
I'm Lisa not your mom young lad get used to it." she grins and I shake her hand quickly getting more uncomfortable as she tries to hug me to. Thankfully Lauri butts in.  
"Muuuuummmmm!" He shots her a glare and laughs.   
"Yeah, Yeah i know. Sorry." She makes her way down the corridor to the door I assume to be the kitchen if I remember correctly and I quickly take hold of the handle turning it.   
"Well bye for now." He smiles as I shuffle my feet and quickly start walking down the long path to the gate we'd come from earlier. To get home get's now even more difficult cause I'm not having a fucking clue were I am. I turn to the right seeing Tuomikirkko's top in the distance and walk on. Darkness is falling quickly since it is already 5 p.m and I'm still not anything near that fucking street where I should have been 3 hours ago.  
"oh she's going to be so fucked off." I mumble under my breath as I lit myself another ciggarette.   
"Hey Jon boy!" I'm about to jump half foot in the air as someone approaches me and hugs me hard.   
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"  
"Yeah Keep calm Jonne. It's just me; Aki." I spot his long dark dread locks and sigh in relief.  
"Sorry." I mumble.  
"No problem I wasn't about to rob you or something." He patts my shoulder.  
"Whatever." I'm just even more nervous.  
"Why are you around anyway? I was just about to pop around friend's for some gaming."  
"I'm on my way home."  
"Ok then I leave you to it dude."  
"Well if I find it." I chuckle feeling totally stupid by the time this non existent question has left my lips.  
"Where do you have to go?"  
"Fucking bloody Eerikinkatu."  
"Nice this is where all the best gay bars are. I guess I heard there's a sex shop too."  
"Well I haven't choosen nor looked at it that way. I just got stuffed in there left to myself."  
"Aww poor Jonne. Come on and follow me. Pauli my friend lives close to there. You were walking the complete opposite direction. If you would have kept up like that you end up in Lahti or something." He laughs out aloud.  
"Thanks." I smile greatfully letting Aki lead me back home.   
On the corner we part ways with a short goodbye as I fiddle for my keys ready to get the shit talking of my life for coming home past 8 p.m.


	14. Chapter 14

-14- what if I had never let you go  
I fiddled with my keys to get them in the lock of the front door as quietly as possible. But I didn’t had to look up to know who I was facing as a dismissing whistle was heard.   
“Where the fuck have you been young lad?”  
“Mom!” I moaned in disbelief seeing my possibilities to dash off unseen fading into thin air.   
“Do you have even the slightest fucking hint of how sick worried I’d been. Something could have happened to you! For what reason have I given you a cell phone. It’s not for dating other people without letting me know or playing stupid games on it! You could at least left a text.” she yelled that half the neighbourhood could hear. I felt even more unimportant by now. I should have known it been a bad idea to crash at Lauri’s. I got so caught up with this blonde spiky hair dude that I forgot about all those rules after the gates of his James Bond like house had closed behind the pair of us.  
“Can’t you even look into my face when I’m talking to you? Where have you been? And don’t you dare giving me your bullshit!” she grabbed my arm and dragged me off into the living room. I had no other choice then to follow her reluctantly. It was always the same with her whenever I’d been late. I felt childish having to be tugged in bed safely at latest 7 p.m. I’m far old enough to look after myself and if she wouldn’t move us all the fucking time I would find my way home faster than usual. I sighed and flopped onto the couch craving for my bed just as a possibility to get out of the shouting match that would soon fill the air between us both as she kept on ranting about me being a danger for her nerves, racking them to a fucking maximum, getting her hairs grey and stuff.  
“Don’t you even have something to say?” she bailed. I glanced at her and felt anger rushing through my veins with a boiling temperature of rage. The day at school had been hard enough to me after dealing with Tuomas and Aki’s confusing sexuality and I had a great time with Lauri nevertheless what happened between the two of us and now she came crushing on me shattering all joy I felt into tiny little pieces.   
“Mom what do you even expect me to say? I’m late who the fuck cares. I was just out with friends and I’m not a fucking 4 year old for starters. I don’t get all the fuss.” I could barely prevent myself from standing up and yelling back at her. It was so fucking annoying to hold this discussion at all.  
“Jonne!” her tone got really serious and dark. “How often do I have to tell you that this is nothing about your age! As long as you held your feet under my table in my house you have to do what I ask you to!”  
“And what if I don’t want to obey to your ridiculous rules! I’m sick of being treated like a fucking baby, mom! I’m 16 years old, maybe start to get your head around that for fucks sake!” I hissed at her in pure rage. I tried my best to retain myself but it was no use. If mom was good for something it was her sense of driving me mad within a split.  
“Just in case you forgot about that young lad, if your father would…”  
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I screamed at her at the top of my lungs. I couldn’t help the tears forming in my eyes. She was fully aware that she could always get through to me by mentioning dad. The pressure on my heart felt like it would be too much to take as if she would shatter it all over again. The pain ripped itself around my lungs like a tight rope pulling itself stronger around till it seems as if the rest of oxygen in my body was squeezed out of them with one last sharp pull making it even more difficult for me to breathe. I jumped to my feet in a hurry heading for the door. I wouldn’t cry in front of her.  
“If you want to hear it or not but your father…” she started again as I pushed the handle and swung the door open with it banging against the wall behind.   
“You know what mom? FUCK YOU!” I screamed at her as I stumbled upstairs and banged my door shut behind me and almost broke the key as I locked it. The tears were running freely down my face as I caught a short glimpse of my own reflection in the mirror on my wardrobe. Still crying I snuggled up into my duvets not giving a second thought about getting undressed at first. I grabbed my pillow and pulled it into my arms hugging it tightly and hiding myself away as the semi darkness of the covers over my head blocked out the dim light coming from my window as best as possible.  
The hate I felt whenever she brought up dad as main theme to prove her point rippled my insides. It was too much to accept that she tried to damage his reputation like that when he wasn’t alive to defend himself.  
Das was never that strict nor yelling at me at all. As far as I could remember all dad ever did was loving me. No matter what I did dad was never angry with me.  
“Oh my boy you will have to suffer enough pain from the outside but in the end it will make you stronger then you were before. I’m sure once upon a time you’ll make daddy proud.” The voice of my dad echoed in the backside of my mind trying to calm me down as the first rain drops glided down on my window sill.  
My heart ached even more in my chest as the rain got heavier, splashing down harder as if heaven would be angry about mom as well. “Dad would never let her have it that way.” I mumbled sadly to myself soaking the white linen under my cheek with more salty tear drops.

Ja niin, taivas itkee hiljaa/ and so the sky cries quietly  
Vasten mun ikkunaa/ against my window  
Ja niin, taivas itkee hiljaa/ And so the sky cries quietly

I cried to myself ignoring mum who had come up the stairs knocking at my door every now and again. I didn’t want to hear her fake excuses for hurting me like this and bringing back all the painful memories. It didn’t matter how tight I closed my eyes. The image in front of them wouldn’t vanish. I remembered how dad and I had driven up to Oulu to visit my grandma once during Christmas holidays. The memory as clear as if it would happen just right now. The radio was blaring songs like “Rudolph the red nose reindeer” or “Last Christmas” at us as we crossed the roads up to the north singing along as loudly as we could after dad had picked me up right after school. He had ushered me into the passenger seat talking about Santa being really kind this year and that we would have a great time without mum. The presents were stored on the backseat and our suitcases were stuffed in the trunk. The snow was falling silently and covering every patch of green grass that was left on the countryside while the temperatures dropped even lower. The snow building higher covers and little mountains making the landscape look like a chain of little snow mountains. The higher we went up north the more snow was falling and the dusty road started to change to a slippery icy one the closer we got to Oulu. The snow was falling heavier so that dad drove very carefully. If I listened closely I could hear the ice breaking underneath the tires as the car had it hard to hold grip on the street.  
“Look my little boy there are the first auroras this year.” Dad pointed ahead of him through the front window but not taking his eyes of the road. I watched the colorful bands drifting at the sky, swirling around each other and changing their color from mild green to heavenly blue, shades of violet and a golden glimmer of yellow. It was amazing what nature could do.   
My eyes were glued to the playful bands of northern lights above as we drove further up passing the street signs that indicated that we entered the suburbs of Pohjois-Suomi also known as Lappi.  
Back then I had thought this journey would never end and was more than glad to just sit next to dad softly humming the Christmas carols from the radio as we passed Liminka, Kempele and Oulnsalo. As he parked the car in grannies drive way the snow had gotten really heavy and I had difficulties to get my small legs out of the car not alone the car door open in the first place.  
Granny was greeting us as we dashed into the warmth of her small house and I could feel the heat soaking into my bones immediately.  
The air smelled of cardamom and oranges making Christmas really real. I remembered the huge shadow of the Christmas tree in the living room shining in the dim light of candles.   
I barely had hang up my coat and got rid of my shoes as we had coffee and cocao with grannies self-made Joulutorttu’s and Joulupukki was such a nice guy this year that I could already see the huge stack of present boxes under the toes of the tree. Red and blue and green and yellow packing paper peeking out underneath.  
It was such an easy evening filled with so much bliss and love I’d never felt again most of all not when mum was around.  
The jealousy stabbing into my heart at this dragged me back to reality were she was banging at my door once more.   
The tears strained my voice into much higher levels than usually.

Why can’t she just leave me to myself, it doesn’t matter how hard she tried to act and be like a real good caring mom in the end everything was better with das and without her!   
“CAN YOU JUST FUCK OFF!” I yelled and snuggled deeper under the cover trying to find some sleep which would lead me out of this nightmare.  
I wanted to be back with dad, back in this little bubble world where everything was alright and we would sit at grandma’s Christmas tree unwrapping presents laughing, giggling along like we used to. “What if I’d never let you go Dad!” I whispered into the fabric of my pillow and cried harder till exhaustion took pity on me and covered my senses up with the darkness of sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

-15- I don’t go to school every monday  
My thoughts were all over the place, the dreams had been filled with painful memories of the times I’d spent with my father. Since he had left nothing seems to be like it once was. The day the cancer had taken him away was the day my life changed. No one was left to cradle me in their arms. Of course my mom loved me, I was sure about that no matter how much I hated her but she never cared.  
There was a difference between being lovely caring and just doing your job as a mom without giving a second shit about your kid’s feelings. Jonne’s mum definitely belonged to the last category. She never asked what I wanted or felt. She just forced all her decisions on me using her over protecting behavior as a cover up excuse to not make it too obvious.  
The next morning rose way too quickly and my face looked painfully puffy as I cast a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The hair stuck out in all directions and odd angles, eyes underlined in terrible red even barely visible due to my puffy look. Nevertheless I had to go to school today and mum was already yelling for me to get my bum out of bed. I barely managed to support my own weight as I tugged the first best things out of my wardrobe and got dressed not caring that my dread locks were dangling in front of my face. I pulled on some huge sunglasses from the second drawer, where I kept them specialy for moments like those when I wished I wouldn’t have to face the world. Quickly grabbing my backpack and shoving the books and folders into it along with the pencil case and markers, I fastened the back over my right shoulder and banged the door shut behind me as I trudged down the stairs and out on the street. I ignored my mum for good who was booming with rage, shouting after me leaving without jacket or breakfast and walked down Eerikinkatu towards the school I sincerly didn’t planned on visiting today.  
I was so fed up with the world and everyone for the time being that I just wanted to hide somewhere and moan in pity for myself. Passing the Omena Hotelli and stopping at the art shop on the corner crossing the street to get some coffee to go at the   
K-Market Extra on the opposite side, I paid the cashier and left quickly as I made my way through town sipping the hot burning coffee in silence. I wasn’t sure if I was more angry or more upset about everything, at least sure that there will be another shouting awaiting me as soon as I went back home this evening.  
My way lead me down to the shore of Hietalahden Ranta near Kamppi and the western harbor where I settled myself in a pile of sand starring at the sea. I know I wasn’t doing myself any good with sitting in the cold breeze but I couldn’t care less. The waves crashing to the shore reminded me of dad and the waves that been licking at the tiny motorboat with which we’ve been out fishing so often. I stump my cigarette out in the sand to my feet and rest my head on my knees. It felt too heavy as if my neck could hold it up any longer. I’d never felt that tired of life before it seemed. The water looking as inviting as never before. I would just need to step in there and walk till it plays around my ankles. Maybe walking even further till it would cover my thighs. The cold icy sting when it would soak the fabric of my jeans pulling them down even further. Leaking at my shirt and up my chest the further I would walk in the baltic sea. It would sting my chin and drown my lips and nose till I would just been sucked in and out of this living hell. Maybe I would meet dad again or grandma and grandpa. I sigh not able to suppress the tears any longer as the memory hits me straight back in the face. But wasn’t this was I intended to as I walked out here? I watch the sand getting wet and stick beneath my feet as the first salty crystals are absorbed by the white beach. I’m such a fucking wimp for sitting at the sea crying my eyes out. I wipe my eyes with the hem of my shirt trying my hardest to pull myself back together as a hand comes down on my shoulder.   
Jackpot Jonne you just managed to humiliate yourself in front of public. Whoever just walked in on me will properly piss his pants. I feel someone dropping behind me. A pair of legs in ripped baggies and sneakers come to rest next to my own as two strong arms wraps themselves around me and I feel a face resting between my shoulder blades.  
Whoever it is doesn’t say a word just holds me close while I still tremble.  
I sigh even more, felling more embarrassed then a few minutes ago as a fresh wave of tears hits me.   
“Let it all out Jonne.” A soft voice whispers next to my ear and I instantly know who’s hugging me and offering all that comfort.  
Why isn’t he at school?  
How did he even now I was here?  
What does he think?   
The questions are racing in my head, distracting me long enough to let the fear of being caught on my lowest cover all the hurtful memories of me and dad.  
His hands caress my arms in slow motion letting my skin start to tingle. I smile sadly and don’t dare to turn around and face him.  
“I’m sorry.” I muffle into my knees.  
“Shut up! Don’t you even say that.” He reproves me, hugging me even closer. His fingers are playing with some of my dreads.  
“What’s up huh?” he whispers after a while of silence.  
“Dunno…a lot.”  
“I’m here if you want to talk about it, you know that.”  
“I know…I know Lauri.”  
“So what’s going on in that cute little head of yours?” he ruffles my hair slightly and I feel him resting his head back on my back.  
“Shitstorm.” I mumble.  
“I know that too well. Bu hey it’s not even winter yet, why so depressed? Did your mum gave you a hard time yesterday?”  
“Hard time?” I laugh sarcastically.  
“So bad?” Lauri asks softly.  
“I thought she would fucking kill me or jump out on my.” Sooner than I expected the words are falling from my lips fast. “She had a fucking hilarious go on me like I would be 4 years old and came home after getting myself almost killed in a car accident or something. It was so terrible. I mean I like my mum somehow but she’s just so fucking noisy and narrow-minded. I couldn’t ..I couldn’t help it I just exploded on her. And all she had to offer was treating me like a baby and insulting me. And then she hit that spot you know…when everything is too much to bare and I screamed at her and ran off. I left this morning without even giving her a chance and she was knocking on my door all evening.” I can’t help myself from sobbing again nuzzling my head into the fabric of his tanktop. His arms hold me tighter caressing my back in a comforting way till I was able to breath enough to start talking again. Lauri remained silently listening. “All she did was accusing me of being the worthless little spot of shame in our families diary. And she said if…if dad would….if dad would still be with us than…than…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence and Lauri didn’t needed to ask either he just hugs me even more as I drench his shirt with my bitter tears. He let’s me cry for a good while before speaking up.  
“I think it’s not fair of her to use the loos of your dad against you. Whatever might happen wasn’t your fault I’m sure it wasn’t and neither had she a reason to throw it in your face like this. I wish I could hug you all better.” He mumbles and holds me close trying to kiss my tears away as I finally look up at him.  
“But…but why…I mean…” I still can’t use my brain the way I should and he smiles shyly.  
“I wasn’t in the mood for Mister Taallsten this morning.” He answers with a chuckle forming a hang men in the air with his finger which makes me smile.

 


	16. Chapter 16

-16- I have this craving for you  
Heti rippikoulun aikaan sinut ensikerran näin/Instantly during the confirmation school I saw you very first time  
Olit kaunis kuin ensilumi joka varhain maahan jäi/ You were beautiful as the first snow which early stayed on the ground

I have no idea how much time has past since we are still sitting at the beach with Lauri holding me close, our noses almost touching, forheads leaned against each other.  
It feels like being totally undressed in front of him. He's the first ever who'd seen me dropping this low and gave a fuck about it. I feel lost in his green emerald gaze, there is nowhere to hide myself under those seas of fresh summer gras.  
We haven't spoke one more word, just been starring at each other in silence with the waves of the sea crashing to the shore in a hypnotic rhythm. I don't know what to do but I couldn't help myself in wanting more. I peck at his lips quickly, inhaling sharply and leaving like a butterfly instantly. It's weird to ask something like this in a moment like that. But I shouldn't have worried about it. Lauri smiles and leans in clother, conquering my lips once more. My eyes fall close in an instant as I allow myself to be embraced by him. I can taste smoke, coffee and a faint note of blueberries as his tongue caught my own and we started kissing more passionately. I pull him even closer, needing every fiber of his body against my own to make sure he's still with me and this is no dream. I totally forget about being in public and the fear of getting caught by someone we both may know. All I am sure of is that I need him more then the air my lungs lack to breath. We only break apart for the urge of oxigen before I dare to look into his eyes once again just to be lost immediately. I can feel my cheeks turning high red and properly could have conquered a firetruck sample just yet but Lauri is still smiling so shyly and innocently as usual.  
"Thank you." the words leave my lips in a soft whisper making him smile wider as he frizzes his nose.  
"Nothing to thank for Jonne." his voice calm and just as loveable.  
"You're cute." I mumble before I can stop myself from turning even reder. So far this is properly the closest I get to telling him what he makes me feel like. I can see Lauri blush deeply, looking down shyly as he fiddles with a blonde spike of his hair, which is neatly done in place like every other day.  
"No one said so in a long while!" he grins before looking up again.  
"They were all blind." I whisper and blush as well in a more worse shade of pink then before.  
"Don't blush. You look so adorable if you do so." he whispers before kissing me again. My heart is racing in my chest as if it would escape any second to leave into the unknown. The kiss we're sharing being the most emotional one since we ever meet.  
The breeze from across the sea gets colder as the sun starts to set already and for the first time today I can feel my stomach rumble uneasily about the missed out breakfast and lunch.  
"You're hungry?" Lauri laughs as he pulls me to my feet along with himself.  
"Well I have no idea how late it even is."   
"I would say we should go and get smething to stuff your pretty face with. Theres a Heesburger near by and you better don't protest at all." I laugh feeling him tugging at my arm already as I try to catch up with him. Sonner as I ever saw someone entering a Heesburger with an obvious craving we've found a seat near some of the windows and eat in silence, occasionally looking at a few passing people outside. It tastes amazing and I think I'd never been this pleased to get down on some of this junk food.  
After you've finished on your ice cream for dessert we sit sprawled out on the chairs patting both our tummys.  
"That was awesome. We should do this more often." you insist and smile.  
"Sounds like a plan." I shyly grab your hand under the table, hoping that no one will notice, but no one seems to care about us. We chat happily away for a good while before we leave together. The staff giving us an amused glare since our hands are still linked.  
"It's getting late you want to stay at mine for the night or going home?" Lauri asks, carassing the backside of my hand he's still holding.  
"I guess I don't want to face her just yet."  
"We can walk around for some more time if you want. I just need to give Aki a quick visit he still has my new Xbox game." I chuckle.  
"Okay let's go." If he was smiling just a few seconds ago, this must be him beaming now as I gave my okay. I stumble as he hushes me after him down the sidewalk. Lauri seems to have no problems in finding the correct places while Helsinki still feels all strange to me.


	17. Chapter 17

-17- XboX and beer-  
It doesn't take us long to reach Aki's place and before I knew Lauri stretched up to ring the doorbell.   
"Oh I swear I will murder his dad for putting it this high!" Lauri muttered under his breath making me smile even wider. Obviously he had a bit of problems with his size, no wonder he almost jumps up Aki's arm whenever he's making a remark about Lauri being on the small side. Patiently we wait for noises from the opposite. I start to wonder if Aki was even home but then footsteps came rushing down the hallway and the door was dragged open wide.  
"Moi!" Aki smiled brightly at us.  
"You took your time men!" Lauri hissed making Aki chuckle before he crashed him into a hug.  
"Yeah, my sweet love I missed you too." Aki mused before attacking me in the same procedure.  
"Ok, enough checking out of my boyfriend. Hands off you dirty bugger!" Lauri poked Aki in the ribs making him laugh.  
"Okay, Okay MERCY! Follow me!" Aki waved us inside and we followed him up the stairs. I couldn't really see anything cause there was no light turned on. More or less blind I clutched Lauri's hand who was holding mine even tighter following him and Aki who walked ahead. I was almost blinded as Aki pushed open a door at the end of the small corridor and bright light flooded the hallway.  
"Mr and Mrs, welcome to my kingdom! My parents the queen and king of my castle are out for a business trip, not getting back before the end of this week and my sister is over at her boyfriend's." Aki mocked and ushered us inside. My eyes needed some time to adjust, still feeling a bit sour from the sudden shock of light as I was meet with the sight of a huge white room. A black kingsize bed took up most of the place at the backside, barely hidden by a small white wardrobe placed in the front of the end of it. Tousled red satin beddings where messed up on it and one blanket was halfway dragged downwards pointing in the direction of the door we just had entered through, as if Aki had just gotten up. My gaze swept back to Lauri and Aki who were in deep conversation as I recognized that my assumption must have been correct because I realized Aki didn't wear much more than a shirt and a boxershort. I hurried to look away, not wanted to be caught in the act of starring at his trunk open mouthed.   
I checked out the room getting aware of several white shelves that he obviously bought at Ikea litered with thousand of books and a massive amount of DVD's and console games. Two of them where hosting a massive amount of CD's followed by a cozy looking sofa with a small coffee table in front of it. The dark leather of the couch was scratched and used looking. There was even a tuff of yellow filling material showing of at one of the arms. We were still standing in the middle of the room as Aki finally discovered his hostility skills and offered us to take a seat at the sofa. Lauri chuckled and flopped down hard that the noise of the wood protesting against the obvious abuse made itself audible.   
Aki dropped a 2 liter seized botte of Coke on the table along with some nasty looking glasses that were missing a dishwash for ages so it seemed.  
"Help yourself and make yourself at home." he smiled not bothering about it at all. Lauri laughed ignoring the glasses and took a few mouth full straight from the bottle.  
"LAURI!" Aki exclaimed.   
"What?" he shrugged totaly unimpressed by Aki's sudden outburst.  
"I don't fancy having whatever kind of herpes you got!" Aki complained with a serious face.  
"Aks, fuck off! Take that back I'm not having any of this shit!" Lauri protested which sent Aki into a set of giggles. I could only shook my head.   
Where was I?   
Mental ward institution Hakala? At least it felt like it. I watched Aki and Lauri wrestle on the sofa, beating each other with the wracked cushions in terms. I almost was about to roll all over the floor in laughter myself. It was way too funny to watch them trying to beat each other up while fighting for dominance.  
I took a swig of the coke myself and my eyes were caught by a drumset I haven't recognized before. The kit was set up in the corner behind the door. The cymbals reflecting in the artificial light from the ceiling, the red paint glittering slightly.   
"This looks so gay." I whisper to myself.  
"Who is gay?" Lauri and Aki exclaimed together starring at me in shock.  
"What?" I try to play it off acting innocent.  
"Jonne you just said something including the word gay!" Aki pointed an accusing finger at me.  
"You must have misheard I said guy." I chuckle hoping like hell that they would buy the lie.  
"Ah!" Lauri grinned. "So you did find Aki's hidden porn magazines or something?" Now it was my turn to stare at them in shock as both doubled over in laughter. Thankfully the subject got dropped shortly afterwards as Aki passed around a few cans of beer and we settled into ideal shit chatter about school , upcoming holidays and homework.  
"So well, why I actually pass you a visit. You still have my XboX game Aki. You must be through it a thousand times by now." Lauri frowned and sipped away at his can while we both lay sprawled up on each other next to Aki on the sofa with Lauri stroking through my dreads every now and again. The question made me look for a clock on the wall which I did not find and the uneasy feeling of it being really really late sucked through my body. I clutched the can in my hand tighter, swepping some beer on my shirt but not giving a damn abut it.  
"Urgh which one?" Aki sniggered.  
"The GTA one! You know with the cars and the ladies and the guns."  
"Ah that one, yeah it must be somewhere I guess." Aki looked around his mess of a room giggeling to himself. "Actually I have no fucking idea where, mate."  
"Are you bloddy serious?" Lauri sighed frustrated emptying the can of beer and grabbing another one from the table.  
"I'm sorry, you know my mom doesn't fancy to clean up in here and I'm such a busy guy." Aki smirked and looked at his drumset lovingly.  
"Oh you're such a poor guy." Lauri snorted inbetween mouthfulls sounding more arrogant then I ever heard him talk before.  
"Not everybody has a cleaning lady Ylönen." Aki retorted winking at him playfully.  
"You're just jealous because you still have to clean up your tissues after wanking all on your own." Lauri teased.  
"Lauri!" I groaned with my head on his chest. This discussion was taking a track that made me turn sick.  
"I'm just pointing out Aki's desperateness."  
"As if you would be shagging as many guy's as I recently had." Aki laughed and a dirty grin plastered all over his face as he glanced at his bed.  
"You're such a slut!" Lauri laughed.  
"Jonne what do you think is this a good thing?" Aki adressed me.  
"I dunno... I ...never and uhm...." I choked on my beer struggling for words. All 3 of us were already slurring by now.   
"Awww. You're so innocently cute it's a crime!"  
"That's why I love him so much." Lauri smiled and looked down, locking his lips with mine and making me blush. It still felt weird to make out with him in front of other people even if it was just Aki who knew us anyway.   
They managed to talk me into even more can's of beer and by the time we were slurring heavily at each other, giggeling all the time like little schoolgirls I was feeling close to pass out. My mind was taken off all trouble and I just had a really good time with Lauri and Aki. Aki even played us some of his new patterns he had come up with as well as a cover of Metallica he had been practicing recently. I had to admid he was playing drums like a second god.   
The clock had past midnight already and Aki seemed to notice by the way he glanced into the night and out of the window.   
"So you both drunken seaguls, none of you is going home tonight. There's my bed lay the fuck down and let's just sleep it off. Big enough for all of us!" Aki demanded swaying slightly as he made his way over to his bed turning on the light on his bedside cabinet and the others in the room off.  
"But..." I mumbled getting aware that it was way to late to go home, also knowing that my mum would rip my head off the next day.  
"No buts Jonne. Get your ass over here or I'll cuddle up to Lauri instead and you can take the sofa." Aki poked his tongue out at me.  
"What?" Lauri laughed.  
"Sure!" Aki's voice cracked in laughter.  
"Jonne safe me! He will rape me! Aki never keeps his hands to himself I am so afraid!" Lauri giggled and opened his arms, beckoning me over. I sighed in defeat and kicked of my clothes. Lauri and Aki were already slumped under the covers and their clothes crumpled all over the floor.  
"Strip! Strip!" both shouted laughing and clapping their hands as I got rid of my shirt and trousers, climbing in next to Lauri who held his bedding up for me to slip in. We cuddled up to each other, laughing and talking quietly before one after the other we'd fallen asleep. Aki was the last to close his eyes as he turned the lamp on dim.


	18. Chapter 18

-18-  
The next morning an annoying beeping sound made itself audible.  
"AKI!" Lauri groaned holding his head shooting a glare across the bed towards Aki who was fast asleep with his eyes shut close. Jonne stirred on Lauri's chest moaning also.  
"For Fucks sake, turn it off!" I groaned as the beeping hold on for at least several minutes.  
"Only Aki can!" Lauri mumbled dragging the pillow from under his head and shoving it across his face.  
"Oh how nice - NOT!" my head felt like it was up to explode so hungovered I was. My eyes tried to stay open looking for a way to get Aki to move who didn't seem to give a single shit about the alarm clock on his cabinet. He was sprawled out, the duvet tangled and wrapped around his legs, barely covering his hips snoring into his pillow case.

"I fucking swear I will fucking kill him!" Lauri groaned under the fabric. Sleepily I tried to kick the leg which rested next to mine hoping it might be Aki's since it was hard to guess which limb belonged to whom.  
"Oi!" Lauri groaned.  
"I'm sorry." I giggled. "I thought it might be Aki."  
"Nah he's out of fire line. Lauri moaned as the beeping continued.  
"No way!" I protested grabbing the pillow from Lauri and throwing it over into Aki's face with all strength I could muster.  
"Hmpf! hmpf. What?" Aki whined. "No mom I'm not going to school today."  
"Is he actually being serious?" I asked looking down at Lauri who laughed hard.  
"If I would be your mum, I would connect those batteries of your freaky alarm to your testicles so you get a body shock to get you moving!" Lauri mumbled half heartly.  
"Aki please shut it off!" we both whined seeing a smile forming on his lips he tried to hide. Obviously Aki wasn't as asleep as he pretended to be.  
The beeping was still audible and torturing my poor head.  
"Oh god! Why? Aki do you need to get laid to turn it off?" I mumbled and shot him a glare before nuzzling back onto Lauri's chest.  
"Mhmmm sounds like an option." the Aki shape giggled.  
"Don't even think about it. Stick your dick somewhere else." Lauri moaned from underneath his pillow case throwing an protective arm across my waist pulling me closer. "And now turn that freaky fucking thing off or I'll shove whatever I find up your ass!" Lauri hissed. Aki stretched on his side of the bed fiddling with the alarm on the cabinet before silence filled the room. All of us sighed in relief before a phone went off.  
"God we must be in hell!" Lauri muttered looking at my flushing face.  
"I'm sorry." I whispered getting off him in a flash and started looking through the pockets of my pants to get the call. As I finally caught it I couldn't help but roll my eyes.  
"Get it!" Aki muttered grabbing his blanket to cover his face.  
"I'm sorry!" I whispered again before answering the call of my mum.  
"Jonne Aaron Liimatainen! Where the fuck are you?" she instantly yelled down the line making me flinch.  
"Huomenta mom." I grumbled.  
"I don't care weather you have a great morning my dear young lad, all I care for is to know where the fuck you've gotten to and why you didn't come home last night!" she screamed on top of her lungs. I got up from the floor walking over to Aki's sofa to get a bit of privacy as I started to get dressed again.  
"Well, I..."  
"Don't you even try to bullshit me! You are grounded for the next 6 month and don't you dare even asking for a night out. I expect you to go to school today and be sure I will pick you up after your lessons are done. And I will call the headmaster to make sure you did attend class!" She shouted before hanging up on me.  
I put down the phone and dropped my head to my hands. I did know it would be like this. I wondered why I was expecting her to have patience or even a tiny bit of understanding for my situation once. Sighing heavily I started to look for my socks before spotting them right next to my T-shirt.  
"Jonne what on earth was all that about? Come back to bed, it's getting cold." Lauri whined blinking sleepily up to where I was struggling with my socks, one leg half up in the air.  
"I'm sorry guys I really need to go." I mumbled feeling utterly embarassed. Sure as hell both of them catched every word my mum had been yelling.  
"What?" Lauri sat up as if been stroke by a lightning, the blanket dropping to his lap as he looked at me surprised.  
"Well we need to be in school and well uhm this was my mom and she wasn't too pleased you know." I gestured around Aki's room and over to the table littered with our beer cans of last night. My head was still swimming and I felt like I would be sick quite soon but if I would actually resist mums order now I would be in even ore trouble. Once she started loosing it, it was more safe to go along with her orders.  
"Nah, school can run without us for one day, they won't miss us." Aki growled blinking sleepily. Obviously none of them was up to get out of bed anytime soon and I felt even more stupid standing there half dressed and half wa ou the door.  
"I kow, and I would love to join you but I can't. Sorry guys." I dragged my shirt over my head and got into my sneakers before rushing over to give Lauri one last kiss.  
"Will ring you up." I whipered onto his lips before pulling a face, shoving my bag over my shoulder and rushing out of the room.  
As I opened the front door to let myself out I heard fast footsteps on the staircase.

  
Kotikylän joen vartta me usein aikaisin/We often went to school on foot together  
Aamulla kahden kouluun kuljimme jalkaisin/ by home village's riverside early in the morning  
Sen kerran tuliin kotiinpäin/ That time I came back home  
Tytön kuolleen joessa mä näin/ I saw a dead girl in the river

Ja niin, taivas itkee hiljaa/ And so the sky cries quietly  
Vasten mun ikkunaa/ against my window  
Ja niin, aamu vaihtui iltaan/ And so the morning turns into night  
Talvi teki tuloaan/ Winter is coming  
Sä mitä silloin teet kun on voimas ehtyneet/ What are you going to do when your strength has ran out  
Ja ystävistä ympärillä jää vain kyyneleet/ And only tears will remain from friends around you

Ja niin, taivas itkee hiljaa/ And so the sky cries quietly

Päälle tumman puisen kirstun siihen samaan eteiseen/ On top of the dark wooden chest, in the same entry  
Hetkeksi nyt istun, havahdun tunteeseen/ I'll sit now for a moment, I wake for a feeling

Ja niin, taivas itkee hiljaa/ And so the sky cries quietly  
Vasten mun ikkunaa/ against my window  
Ja niin, aamu vaihtuu iltaan/ And so the morning turns into night  
Talvi tekee tuloaan/ Winter is coming  
Sä mitä silloin teet kun on voimas ehtyneet/ What are you going to do when your strenght has ran out  
Ja muistoistasi ympärillä jää vain kyyneleet/ Only tears will remain from the memories around you  
Ja niin, taivas itkee hiljaa/ And so the sky cries quietly

 

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